Nothin' Fits, Nothin' Works, & Everything Hurts Lyrics

Sittin' idly by, goin' nowhere in a hurry

She's got a new man and I heard he was a furry

Looks like old Elmo he took my big bird from me

A bottle of whiskey and a Hot n Ready

Ol' Jim Beam and me we been goin' steady

Steady like tryin' to ride a bike with no front tire

Well, the dryin' machine drawed up my britches

I'd unwad my panties but my thumb's got stitches

From tryin' to sew some strings of luck together

But nothin' fits, nothin' works, and everything hurts

Started hangin' downtown in the nooks and crannies

I ain't talkin' bout your neighborhood hootenanny

Smoke filled bars where crooks sell blow for handjobs

I bout broke my damn back reachin' for the bottom shelf

Only a fool would do this to himself

But that's all right, I got a cold pack for my back

Well, the dryin' machine drawed up my britches

I'd unwad my panties but my thumb's got stitches

From tryin' to sew some strings of luck together

But nothin' fits, nothin' works, and everything hurts

I gotta 20-inch TV and a pair of jeans

But I ain't as broke as I may seem

I gotta fridge full of beer and a drinkin' buddy in the mirror

I'm gonna knock these down and set em back up

Been walkin' the floor over you since we broke up

Gonna need a new pair of boots by the time I'm through

Well, the dryin' machine drawed up my britches

I'd unwad my panties but my thumb's got stitches

From tryin' to sew some strings of luck together

But nothin' fits, nothin' works, and everything hurts