Cult Mentality Lyrics

Do you know what it's like to be nine years old

Convinced someone's gonna kill you in your own home

There's no one here to help me

I've got nowhere left to turn

So fuck it, you can't kill me if the one who does it first

My life is looking hopeless

I'm lost and I'm broken

So much conflict, this constant contest got me choking

I'm so lonely and I can't help but hate me

I'm crying on my knees, begging Allah to take me

I don't wanna live

I'm struggling to breathe

And I don't feel like eating

And I can't get to sleep

And I'm trying to stay clean

So at night I repent

For the sins I've committed

For the voices in my head

The devil is my enemy

He wants to see the end of me

He keeps telling me to cut my wrists, he wants to see me bleed

He won't leave me be, so sometimes I concede

Am I meant for something more or is this who I'm meant to be

I'm an addict going manic, I can't manage so I panic

I'm always moving frantically and my heart's about had it

I beat myself up, that's no figure of speech

I've lost my link to the Lord, what the fuck do I believe

I always overcompensate in some bullshit attempt

To change my days forever not living in contempt

I'm ugly and pathetic, I hate looking at myself

I wish upon a shooting star to be someone else

I'm not cared by anyone and you can't convince me otherwise

Cause no one takes the time to understand all the pain inside

Sick of this monotonous routine when I wake up

Numbing out my pain every day when I blaze up

Yellow-stained teeth from cigarettes I smoke

Using and abusing every vice till my day cuts

I'll one day find love

Maybe I'll be happy when my time's up

Maybe I'll get lucky and have someone I can truly trust

I can't do it by myself it can't be from my heart

Cause there's nothing that I see about me worth praising

And I don't see the reason to believe it from the start

Because my friends let me suffer and I wonder if they're faking

If they're liars, if they're traitors, if they're critics or they're fake

If they look at me and hate me or maybe they relate

To the dog in a cage with electrified fences

And a muzzle on my mouth so that no one gets offended

Entrenched with the fear everyone will be affected

By the core of the truth of my negative message

I wanna be with you and I wish I could've said it

Apparently you love me but I never truly felt it

I'm on unsteady legs as I manoeuvre through this tempest

But I'm told other people have more to contend with

So my agony has to take a backseat

They tell me to snap out of it, my problems aren't even that deep

After all, I'm just a kid whose only real issue

Was that his parents would break him like the drums on this beat

I've got nothing to complain about cause others have it worse

But I'm not tryna take their spotlight, I just need to be heard

I hate crying every night, I don't mean to be perverse

Can someone truly tell me that I don't sound absurd

Can you do that for me

Can you take away the hurt

If you can't, I get it, I'll just do my best to learn