Shoplifter Lyrics

Guess who won the power ball

Yeah I don't know either

But I bet ya they are at the mall

And I bet they're assholes too

My lesbian friend's girlfriend got a sex change

They're still together

So it turns out

I get confused

Scratched my hand on a rusty Long Beach fence 4 months ago

I've been convinced that I've got tetanus every since

Cuz I do

Probably

I think

Gonna set the trend of vintage deaths

But the real trendsetters are the ones who started accents

If plastic kills the turtles

Won't be any left for me to kill

If Mastro's dropped their prices

I would probably eat pizza still

A man walks in a dressing room

Walks out wearing 2 pairs of pants

My friend's mom works at Macys

Told him I'm shoplifting

Cuz I am

Because I am

Because I am

Because I am

Every time I dream at night there's someone tryna to kill me

You don't use blinker

Because nobody else matters

When you're God's favorite child

And we all think you're great for it

You don't text me back

And you thought that I'd just take the hint

But I don't and proved you wrong

So I guess I'm more intelligent than you are

Why compete for plaques when you can pay for them

I work two 12 step programs and I still can't make a friend

Also

Rice pudding ice pops should get an honorable mention

They're delicious

I don't understand why more people don't talk about it

If plastic kills the turtles

Won't be any left for me to kill

If Mastro's dropped their prices

I would probably eat pizza still

A man walks in a dressing room

Walks out wearing 2 pairs of pants

My friend's mom works at Macys

Told him I'm shoplifting

Cuz I am

Because I am

Because I am

Because I am

Every time I dream at night there's someone tryna to kill me

Why did Egon not get sucked into the trap in Ghostbusters: Afterlife

What kinda stupid shit was that

How come when I run my body looks fast but it isn't fast