14 Year Old Me (Ashes Into Art) Lyrics

At 14, my dream was broken, so was my heart

I've lost friends

All I ever wanted, I'll never get

I hated myself

I couldn't stand to look in the mirror

I'd been so darn insecure that

I was on the verge of an eating disorder

I hated my nose, my forehead, my legs, my voice, my lips

I couldn't tell if these voices in my head were lies

I've spent nights wide awake wanting to be wanted

I've spent days wishing I was someone else

I've wasted months trying to change what I look like

I've spent years angry at my creator

Thought God was a liar when He said I am "wonderfully made"

Never thought God loved me until He helped me see how to be me…

HERE

Here in between my heartbreak and my hope

In between my pointe shoes and my cast

In between self hatred and confidence

He showed up

I've spent nights crying with God

I've spent hours on my knees searching for God

God has spent months teaching me how to love myself

God has spent years being my friend and father

I can't ever fully explain how I arrived HERE

In a place where I believe with humble confidence that I am beautiful to Him

I am desperately wanted, I am loved, I am enough

I love my nose, my forehead, my legs, my voice, and my lips

And when I look in that mirror, I don't regret who I am

I don't regret following God into the unknown

I don't regret the slow letting go of all I've ever worked hard for

I don't regret surrendering my dreams

Because God found me and I found my creator

I found who I am made to be and through Him I get to do what I am created for

The power of God

Gave me a new heart

Became my everything

And turned ashes into art

HERE I find Him

And HERE I pray you do too

At 14, I had a dream that I would dance, play the role of a queen

On a diet so that I'd stay lean

Had a reputation that preceded me

Then suddenly I couldn't dance like before

All my injuries injured my soul

14 year old me

Yeah I really did her dirty

I never reached her dreams

14 year old me

I can't believe what she'd think of me yeah

My teachers told me I'd never be anything if I wasn't skinny

Their validation was all that I needed and I confess I believed them

Then over time God opened up my eyes

To my pain, hurt, and lies I held inside

14 year old me

Yeah I really did her dirty

I never reached her dreams

14 year old me

Yeah I really feel sorry

She was stuck in their dreams

Old me would not be proud of who I am

Not be proud of the choices that I've made

Or that I let her fade away

She would not be proud of what I do,

Not be proud of my body type, or the way I live my life

But 14 year old me was stuck in the worldly dreams

Not gonna lie, it broke me and led me to my knees

It's the worst pain I've ever gone through

Now all I have to say is I'm living God's dream for me

God is proud of who I am

He's proud of the choices that I've made and that let her fade away

He is proud of who I am

God is proud of me

He is proud of me yeah

So I will never be

I will never be old me again

I'm glad I won't be

I'm glad I can't be

I'm glad that I will never be 14