Epilogue Lyrics

I wrote songs to make me feel better

I bought some new shoes with the real leather

Took my family on vacation it was chill weather

But to this pain I'm still tethered

It's after the last chapter of my air quote career

I wrestled a disaster of my insecure fears

Methods didn't matter

Evidence was clear

Misdirected and impacted

By the things I held dear

I didn't want to write about it

Cus I didn't want to be right about it

I didn't want it to be real life pride denounced it

How can I fight

When my arrow took flight just to strike me down it's

Hard wrestling with this

Identity business

Am I a narcissistic

Gas lighting, self addicted

Emotional abuser who afflicts his

Inner circle until they're balled up and twisted

Implodes like a super nova

Gravity wins again when I lose composure

Moving over bruises show up

Can't explain how hard this season is

Question everything that I've been believing in

Having to ask myself am I monster?

Am I an imposter

Outer shell but the inner try to cross ya

Hard to believe my kids when say they love me

My inner voice whispers lies even when they hug me

But I refuse to be that

That's why I had to call my friend ask em' where he could meet at

I Looked em in the eyes it took him by surprise

And said tell me to keep surviving I don't want to die

I don't want to die today

I should stay alive

Maybe I should stay alive

Oh maybe I stay alive

Every event this summer felt like I could crumble

Feeling in my stomach doubled with a load of trouble

Holy Sprit would you move me out the way

My vision can't sustain when I'm blinded by the pain

I remember during worship service couldn't sing the verses

There was so much under the surface

So I was on my way out

I'd been feeling weighed down

My friend grab my shoulder like he had something to say now

He looked right in my eyes and said He is for you

He said it three times Dillon He is for you

It's like the moment was immortal

It's like I heard God say, I didn't ignore you

I wish there was a life hack or a quick fix

But I know that He is in the healing business

Because in August fam I promise man

I almost lost my dad

And in my music you don't get to

Hear bout what we have

You've only heard the trauma and transgressions from my childhood

Let me set the record straight me and my father good

I'm 35 but I still need my father

You know how many times he's said he's proud of me I promise

I couldn't count it, I receive it often

And my kids smile every time they see my father

He fixes something at my house

Like once a week I wanna

Say I really l-o-v-e my father

And it almost took his death for me

To reflect and refresh

Life is too short to live like loved ones owe a debt

I don't expect anyone to love me the way Jesus does

And His mercy has a current that's beneath the flood

I don't want to die today

I should stay alive

Maybe I should stay alive

Oh maybe I stay alive

I don't want to die today

I should stay alive

Maybe I should stay alive

Oh maybe I stay alive