PAIN Lyrics

PAIN - Clayton Jennings

...

This pain wasn't my choice

But I still hear Your voice

And no matter how I end

I think of how we began

Am I the only person often afraid to sleep?

It's like my bed is a coffin, and I'm alone in my dreams

My confidence whispers, my insecurities scream

I'm constantly weary, ready to let go and just sink

If I smiled more often, would you know that it's me?

I talk to God in my depression, "Are You noticing me?"

Either teaching me a lesson or holy ghosting me

God, without You, I don't know who I'm supposed to be

So if I'm useless to You then dispose of mе

And if You mute this then You chose to lеave

After all, you're omniscient, supposedly

And I'm just a misfit with slit wrists supposed to bleed

I get cold when Lucifer gets close to me

I could smell the grim reaper's potpourri

Wake up swinging, thinking he's choking me

Like, "Let go of me!"

And God is the only one I answer to

God, why did You make me? The answer is You

To worship You

I was never made for me

But somehow, at some point, I was made to believe

That life wasn't about You, that life was about me

And it wasn't, and it's not

And I wish I could go back

Wish I could walk up to the Devil with my .45 and blow back

Wish I could put on my MJ #45 throwback

And pretend I could fly like Mike, even though I was so bad

But the only thing that flies forever is time, and I didn't know that

This pain wasn't my choice

But I still hear Your voice

And no matter how I end

I think of how we began

I'm a sinner turned son but rarely a saint

Picasso of this poetry with every picture I paint

I look back, and it's my past that I hate

I've been trashed and disgraced

Trapped by mistakes, bashed, and misplaced

But they killed Christ at

Thirty-three, so I guess I'm just acting my age

Religion had me trapped and chained, but I'm attacking this cage

So in passing, I'll say

You'll never know God until you start backing away

Religion is more concerned with

Passing the plate than people passing away

And that remains facts 'til this day

I don't need a person or a priest to teach me to pray

But how can I be known by millions but feel so lost?

Xanax for panics and Zoloft to doze off

How can I be anxious but still know God?

It's eighty degrees, but I'm as frozen as Arabelle's Olaf

I use these lows to write and mania to go off

Hiding these fangs is why I'm hiding my teeth

Blue eyes but blue heart hidden beneath

Playing these keys brings these thoughts out of me

Change the keys and switch the locks when I leave

'Cause I'm saying goodbye to the voices talking to me

In the mirror, brokenness is all that I see

Not the glass that's shattered but the hurt in me

I talk to God, but He doesn't say a word to me

I got burned by religion, spiritual third-degree

But I learned my lesson like I earned a third degree

Back from the dead after demons murdered me first-degree

And I fell for the lies perfectly but not purposefully

Got tranquilized and put to sleep

Satan lies, but so do sheep

But my God left the ninety-nine because He was in love with me

So keep your traditions, it's grace that I need

Goodbye to religion, I've been saved by the King

This pain wasn't my choice

But I still hear Your voice

And no matter how I end

I think of how we began