State Of Isolation Lyrics

I am alone, in person and in mind

Let one single moment start determining my life

It's like in the movies when the truth begins to blur

Everything slows down and then the words are sounding slurred

For a while it was rare to catch me being sober

My chances at a good life started looking like they're over

Hours turned to days, then days turned into weeks

My mind was cloaked in heavy fog and I could hardly speak

I was sworn to secrecy, I'd never say a name

I bottled up emotions and paint the mirror with the blame

Me frozen in time, the world would still go round

People come and go, they always dreamed they'd leave this town

They tell me come along, they say to grab their hand

Coated in my fears, my feet cemented to the land

They tell me they'll be back and they say that they send their love

But time went on and love stopped coming, I wasn't enough

My life is on pause, everyone's is on a play

Fuchsia pulsing hearts are now a sickly colored grey

I'm in a state of purgatory when I'm in the flesh

But in my mind a rainy day in hell at very best

Why am I alive, what am I giving to the world

I see myself as just another lost transgender girl

Life is so damn noisy so i'll find a quiet room

I close the door and lock it choosing life inside a tomb

Sometimes you need a break, even from yourself

They say that isolation can benefit your health

I'm covered in the calm and surrounded by the silence

It doesn't change the thoughts that run a blood red violent

I'm soaked in all the quiet and I don't feel very good

These feelings that I'm feeling are not feeling like they should

A state of isolation doesn't always equal peace

Unless you're ashes or six under below callused feet

I've been getting flowers, I throw them in the trash

I don't deserve the gifts because I survived my crash

They tell me that I'm strong and have so much life to live

But all I see is nothing that my life will ever give

I stopped answering calls and just avoided every face

I thought being alone was the kindest of a place

The quiet soothes for seconds and then it hurts my ears

Every moment stretches to feeling like they are years

I'm paralyzed in guilt and fear, I'm bound tight to my house

Inside is screams and howls, outside is like a mouse

I divert all the blame because I hate the taste of mad

My back teeth are eroding from chewing the crunch of sad

It's a taste I'm used to, right now I can't handle change

Sometimes the easy choice is to crop me from the frame

I'm a broken record just repeating the word no

They eventually stop asking and just know that they should go

My life is on pause, everyone's is on a play

Fuchsia pulsing hearts are now a sickly colored grey

I'm in a state of purgatory when I'm in the flesh

But in my mind a rainy day in hell at very best

Why am I alive, what am I giving to the world

I see myself as just another lost transgender girl

Life is so damn noisy so i'll find a quiet room

I close the door and lock it choosing life inside a tomb

Sometimes you need a break, even from yourself

They say that isolation can benefit your health

I'm covered in the calm and surrounded by the silence

It doesn't change the thoughts that run a blood red violent

I'm soaked in all the quiet and I don't feel very good

These feelings that I'm feeling are not feeling like they should

A state of isolation doesn't always equal peace

Unless you're ashes or six under below callused feet

Isolation's easier than telling you the truth

But it slowly coming out within this recording booth

Because I'm still alone I tell the ugly with some grace

In ways I can't say out of song or to another face

I'm ashamed of letting myself go as far as I have gone

Easy to dwell on battles mainly left unwon

Insecurity is easy when all you have is yourself

Take away any people, material or wealth

When it's me myself and I, we tend to lose our mind

Getting so wrapped up in things that we cannot quite yet leave behind

I watch the people fade away, they're never coming back

Isolation has it's rules, I'm alone gluing what has cracked

There's only so much damage that one person can fix

But I don't know if I'm ready to add others in the mix

So I'm thinking I'll keep trying to patch it all on my own

Let people walk away until I say that I have grown