Retro Xmas ft. The Corking Crack Band Lyrics

And of course they spent the whole of Christmas with two nuns and a rocket

Just take a look around

Can't you hear that sound

It's Santa calling out your name

Join the laughter, play the game

Jingle bells, the snowflakes fall

Santa's here to greet us all

Magic's in the air tonight

Christmas cheer, oh what a sight

Candy canes and mistletoe

Hanging by the fire's glow

Reindeer flying through the sky

Look, there's Rudolph passing by

Jingle bells, the snowflakes fall

Santa's here to greet us all

Magic's in the air tonight

Christmas cheer, oh what a sight

Dear Santa, won't you hear my plea,

Bring me a Commodore under the tree

Or maybe an arcade down the hall

I'll be the champion, standing tall

Jingle bells, the snowflakes fall

Santa's here to greet us all

Magic's in the air tonight

Christmas cheer, oh what a sight

Merry Christmas

Okay, that was Beating Edge with Retro Xmas and you're listening to TTFN Radio - bringing you music I philosophically despise all round the clock

You know I'm a simple man from simple times… when men were men, women were women and anyone who didn't conform to my overly simplistic philosophy kept their damn mouth shut

Now you have these all 'inclusive' people like Beating Edge - acting as though everyone deserves to be treated with empathy and human dignity and who think people should be held responsible to their actions and character and not to the happenstance of their birth

Well, It makes me sick

And then they trot out this musical drivel espousing joy and love with funky rhythms and melodies that make the heart soar in delight

Well not on my watch listeners

Not on my Nelly

I mean Rolf Harris - he knew how to sing about Christmas. Jimmy Savile, he was another one that knew what-was-what

I mean even I could do better than Beating Edge

Well go on then

Whoa who in Santa's jingly baubles are you and where in the name of creamy liqueurs did you come from

Oooo get you

Well mater and pater said I was too innocent to be told where I came from

But I can tell you I am the Christmas fairy from the top your bigoted Christmas tree. I'm gonna give you a verbal beating to the edge of your life

Alright, steady on

Oh I'm sorry about that

Well yeah I'm only trying to ask what's going on

Look - Here I'm splitting you in five

Hello

and giving you each top quality instruments

Where

There you go - let hear your Christmas classic

Well, okay, let's have some drums, drums

Yeah

Um

Classic

Bass guitar, okay

Yeah

Let's have some rhythm - rhythm guitar

Okay, now we're cooking

Right, okay

Let's have some more

Right, okay

Christmas

Oh, the ruddy wokes

Christmas and the wokes

And I hate them, baby

Oh yeah, the woke people just destroy the world with their bloody telling me what I can't say

Don't say that you silly boy yeah yeah, yeah, yeah

But I'm not silly I know what I'm saying because my mummy told me, oh yeah

And now it's bloody Christmas ruined

By, by, I'm not allowed to even to call snow white anymore

The snow's white baby

I can see it in my eyes

I can see the white snow, baby

Don't you tell me it ain't there cos I can see it

Guitar solo

Ok ok just leave it there

Just leave it

Walk away

Did it

Was it ok

What do you think

Ok

I'm sorry Beating Edge

Yes, you are

I'm sorry

Merry Christmas

Right, we'd better get that tree back up my bottom