Morning Paper Lyrics

Every day I get the morning paper

And read about the state of my stress

Contemplate procuring me a Jedi saber

And put all this madness to rest

Monday's darker than a Vulcan cloud

Tuesday'd be better off dead

Wednesday's meaner than a Yankee's crowd

Thursday's paying rent in your head

Friday's tighter than a submarine

Saturday night is your loss

Sunday's sleeping in a quarantine

Dreaming up cures to exhaust

Every night I hear the weather talking

Falling like a drunk off a stool

Forecasting ice will send the masses flocking

To bum-rush stores and steal fuel

Every year we watch the big ballon drop

Raising up hope in Times Square

We're feeling time pass in a teraflop

And I don't think the universe cares