(Chapter 3) I'd Love to Be Lyrics

I'd love to be enthusiastic

Have some drive for asking questions

Ticking slowly down and through

The recesses of what I do

And who I am and where I'll be

I'd have a meaning I'd have dreams

I'll dream so big they'll hit the clouds

I'll dream them quiet I'll dream them now

But I will have a meaning more

Than slogging through another tortured

Day to pay my way to live, and worry if, the problem is

With me or with the system that, has broken all my teeth

I'd be a gear and I'd be good

A happy drone and when I slumber

I'd have that vision burn my eyes

I'd be so happy I'd feel alive

I'd love to be so overjoyed

The joy would overwhelm my eyes

I'd cry and sing like movies scenes

I'd feel so much what feelings bring

To hold a newborn child and know

For a moment peace can come and go

And to turn my back on the abyss

The void of every pessimistic

Thought that must somehow be known

I no longer accept where these thoughts go

I accept before me lays a life

Brimming with an over joyous

Sense of wondrous untamed hope

A sense beyond what I've ever known

I'd love to be embracing

Of my inner femininity

But the cynic that's inside of me

Won't let me be

Or let me sleep

Or let me exist peacefully

Without a black and white divide

Of how I should express myself

Or dress myself

Or let myself feel anything other than rage

Because anger is so manly being angry is okay

Because drinking till I pass out's not a problem

If I don't talk about these problems

I don't ever have to solve them

But maybe I should talk

Maybe I should try

Maybe I should do something instead of every morning mourning for the loss of nothing in a life I haven't lived

If only I could talk what I wouldn't give

I'd love to be so deep in love

Another human thinks they could

Share their lifetime with my own

And I'd believe them, we'd have a home

Maybe not a garden cos that's not really my thing

But if my love is into it I'll take up gardening

We'll pass our days washed in green

And reading books, exchanging looks

Enthralled with one another

And we might get on each others

Nerves, sometimes, but that's okay

Because I'll love my love

And they will feel the same