poem song Lyrics

I'm allergic to everything in my hometown

A friend told me that's how allergies work

Kind of like Freudian personality

All of its functionality solidifies before 5

All of my sensitivities decided ahead of me

Before I had control

Before I could find out I was loved

The real way

There are home videos of my mother

Whispering to me as an infant

The way only a new mother can

Swept up in first love birthed from self

Tornadoed in the truth

That something so of love

Could come from within

Does come from within

I always say I'm too busy

Being mother to myself

To be mother for anyone else

But maybe all the weird shit my body would do

Even if I tricked it

With an unreadied love's baby

Could finally program the rest of me to believe

Maybe parenthood would indoctrinate me

Maybe my body could teach me

What the church never could

But often tried

Teach me how to evolve

And not how to die

Teach me my lips are dust

Worth breathing life into

Maybe I'm wrong for wanting a teacher

So small as a daughter

Maybe I was wrong for worshiping a teacher

So small as my God was

Maybe my love would be

Just as small as my God was

Maybe it could be bigger

Now that I know I'm a survivor

Is there any love so unready

As a lying martyr?