You Cannot Get to Heaven Lyrics

You cannot get to heaven in your Beamer

No matter how much gas you put inside

It's a rocky road to hell and you'll get there pretty well

In that wretched motherfucker that you drive

You'll never go to heaven in your Tesla

You'll never see the gates of paradise

Ask a simple question if you wanna change your soul's direction

Ask yourself now what would Jesus drive

Damnation and salvation are your choices

There's the things you oughtn't do and those you ought

On that judgement day ol' St. Peter ain't no valet

And you'll never ever find a parking spot

You'll never get to heaven on your Harley

You'll never outrun an angel's wing

The archangels come for you and you know just what they'll do

To that belching hog beneath your ding-a-ling

Heaven's joy is given through repentance

Eternal life is your incentive and reward

Be like St. Augustin and trade that sucker in

Or burn in hell just like ol' Henry Ford

There's no place in the garden for your Lambo

Your bull will just infuriate our Lord.

There will be no cherubim blessing you and your slipstream

Instead you'll be eluding Satan's horde.

And you won't get any closer in your rocket

Despite the fact it glorifies your schlong

Pray so loud that he can hear, Armageddon day is near

And up in smoke forever you'll be gone