Professor Plum Lyrics

He's got a suit and tie, talks like he's the king

But when you press him hard, he doesn't know a thing

Throws out nonsense, a ball of confusion

Whatever he can do to maintain the illusion

Professor Plum, what do you mean?

Twisting every word into a fever dream

Professor Plum, lost in the fog

Building his empire in a cloud of smog

He'll ask you questions just to throw you off the trail

"What do you mean by that?" he wails

Never hears the answer, just keeps moving on

Sticks to his fantasies, where truth is long gone

Professor Plum, what do you mean?

Twisting every word into a fever dream

Professor Plum, lost in the fog

Building his empire in a cloud of smog

He talks about order, but his mind's a mess

Preaches to the choir, leaving them with less

Claims he's got the answers, but it's all a game

Just a grift in disguise, chasing fortune and fame

He writes a book, says it's got the rules

But when you read it through, it's just for fools

Can't define the terms, he's so confused

Yet folks line up just to hear him muse

Professor Plum, what do you mean?

Twisting every word into a fever dream

Professor Plum, lost in the fog

Building his empire in a cloud of smog

Professor Plum, he's a slippery guy

Riding high on his own supply

Asking all the questions, dodging all the facts

But when you look close, his story's full of cracks