Takeoff Freestyle Lyrics

Flight crew, please prepare for takeoff

I like to swim out to sea, jump on the first sinking ship I see

It's probably why you might be thinking something's wrong with my psyche

I might just be bad at strategy, or maybe I just enjoy knowing

I can keep bailing the boat without rowing

But it still won't go down as bad as going up in a Boeing

I wouldn't be surprised if the flight didn't survive

The first track of tarmac

Check the farmer's almanac

Cause this season's supposed to see an increase

In planes raining down from on high

So sky moguls, hold on tight to your wallets, grab an alibi

Cause people might be starting to notice

Forget trying to fly

Just deploy your wing blowups and float us

Who's in charge of the fuselage

Cause it's rattling and I saw two screws unlodge

When you bozos flew through the ozone

And hit a whole flock of pterodactyls

During your terrible lack of tactical practice

Maniacal act of acrobatics that you called a takeoff

If you hit even one little seagull

This shitty hull's gonna give

Just let the birds live

You made it fully clear there's only one Sully

So why even wait

Your plan is plain to see

Like covert ops and cops in the 80s

Just release the Kraken on us crazies

Yes, a beverage Yoda wants

Now get my soda while I strip off my socks

And let out the gophers

Cause we're a go-for, taking off my loafers

Let me rest my seraph fonts on your headrests and paper coasters

How and why does it feel like I get closer to Hades

With every mile we climb up in this bottle full of rabid babies

And what am I even doing

Harpooning, over the Tigris Euphrates

In the Sky Tycoon's cash cow

Going over the moon, in an A320

Gunning through space in a cut and paste

Paper mache mess

With rubber bands holding the hatch in place

How it stays in space is anyone's guess

Since it's older than me

Cause it was born in the late 80s

But it's all in the interest of the bare budget shareholder

Rockefeller and Rockeladies

And here I am now

Saving them cash, by getting on a craft

That last passed an inspection

When Reagan was winning an election

I don't even care no more

I have no fear

Just get me off this damn scare bus

There's too many air holes

Letting in the atmosphere

Happy I can afford it?

I'd be happier in a broken down Ford

If it meant I wasn't gonna die in space

Trying to hear some hint of a bass

In these tiny ass earbuds

That play a range, of 400 hertz

Tuned with actual forks

That go out in spurts

And I'm annoyed cause they're corded

And we all look like dorks

America let me bend your ear for a second or a week

Looking at the going survival rate

Of a Boeing flight of late is bleak

I'd rather fly out on a Griffin's beak

And show up with bruises and fleas

Smelling like broiled chicken feet for weeks

Just my luck

I find I'm surrounded by rows of

Colonel Sanders

Ned Flanders corn shucks

Minus the poultry, revolting

Like the last season of

Duck Dynasty

Kinda seem

Like the problem causers

With the essence of a dark drama

Like the reboot of Fresh Prince

That nobody asked for, or even wanted

Some troglodyte mother

With her three identical offspring

Turns around and says pardon me

I tell the bitch to shut up

Princess Buttercup

I don't give a fuck

Go ahead and mind your business

Audrey, Becca, Liz

Whatever the heck your, name is

Why are you even participating in air travel

With your horde of bat shit crazy rascals

Shouldn't you be swerving across nine lanes of traffic

While live-streaming your morning routines and habits?

Shouldn't we be making van-life vlogs

Like the rest of your generational pedigree

So your kids can grow up

Needing Prozac and therapy?

If I need a plan to ditch this tin can

I can always stand, on this helicopter mom

And fly off like nothing's wrong

She's fueled by some different shit

And I bet I get, halfway to Boston

Before she has to stop and

Pretend to homeschool the kids

What do you mean you give them a Travelcation?

Enjoy the SAT kids

I'm sure you'll ace them

Then what's a vacation

Feels like it'd be anything I could do

To escape the situation

Drove everybody I know crazy

With the thoughts in my head

I hate driving

But I'd sooner drive right through the lobby

Of the police department

So the cops can stop me

Lock me

Behind reinforced steel and lead rebar

So before I ever get in the air

On a wing and a prayer

With nothing to eat but a Heath bar

I'd have to be certifiable

Before I'll ever

Sign up to be that high in the sky

I'll stick to driving instead

Next time I'm flying

I better be already dead