Laptop Lyrics

Yeah, I'm a little crazy

Maybe fading from the shit that made me

Life's insane more so than I sometimes…

I can't stress enough just how hard I try

But no matter how much you give

You can only control the way you live

Not life itself, and that's it

I can't hide, So I'm offered a struggle that I can't decline

And I'm addicted to passion

Yeah, I think it's been holding me back man

So when the thunder starts crashin'

Realize that I struggle with relaxin'

Ask what's next, I guess I will keep goin'

I wonder just why I keep goin'

When I needed someone to lean on

I had a beat and myself then the needs gone

But fuck, It's testing me, Life is bestin' me

Take what's left of me and hyper mentally

Write it quick before I lose my shit

And twist my lips with words that I never meant

And now I sound intense but my heart's soft

What you'd never see in my best songs

Is how I'm not a beast when the masks off

And now it's just as deep but it's a sad one

Keep it goin' 'cause I can't write a hook

So you'll have to listen to my book

And I'll hope I can still get you shook

And roped in after just one look

Guess how long it took, not long

Won't say I went sleepless on this song

I sat down and rolled back my eyes

Until I saw these new thoughts of mine

I bet this wasn't the rap you expected

But I guess your beat had me invested

So now I'm literally on the couch right now

Talkin' 'bout how I can't seem to calm down

I freak out

And my man asks me if I'm okay

For the hundred and first time today

Trust me, I wish I wasn't in pain

Trust me, I wish I wasn't stir-crazy

And the next time someone calls me Katie

I won't do nothin' won't say that it phased me

And that's my problem, I get into shit

By shutting my mouth and takin' the hit

Sorry to tell you how bad it can get

Sorry to tell you I'm angry, I'm pissed

But all that I want is to listen to this

And remember why I was crying n' shit

And I'm a bad friend

I know they'd never say it out of love n' shit

But I can tell I sound mean, I sound demeaning

I talk to you like I know everything

I never meant to make no effort

I never meant to act like you are less, Important

I guess the storm in my head is what tore us

And I will try harder to be better for us

I get this is too much

I know this is not fun

Could have made smiles and laughs with my rhymes

But everyone needs their own outlet sometimes

And I am not looking for help

I guess I'm just out here exposing myself

None of the weight on my chest has been lifted

And if I feel better, It's just for a minute

Nobody warned me that I would go mad

The second I grew up and saw what I had

It's stressful and I'm a loose cannon, It's not fair

'Cause I'm handlin' shit bad

Fine one minute then stupid sad

So one more time, I apologize for being myself

Please don't look in my eyes

I just wanted to feel something inside

I wonder if people still hate me from Highschool

I don't know why I care if they think I'm cool

I just wanted to be big and be famous

For no-good people that made me so anxious

Now I just wish it was painless

Now I just wish I could rest and live weightless

Yeah I'm in love and I hate it

Yeah all my rap is still pages

I pray to the gods and they hear what I'm sayin'

But I am not godly, yeah I'm just complaining

Nothin' like killin' my own vibe

I'm hoping that I will get better with time

I know I sound stupid and crazy like Katie

But Katie is dead, I am Ryn and you made me