Joyce Invective Lyrics

Ladies and gents, you are here assembled

To hear why earth and heaven trembled

Because of the black and sinister arts

Of an Irish writer in foreign parts.

He sent me a book ten years ago

I read it a hundred times or so

Backwards and forwards, down and up

Through both the ends of a telescope

I printed it all to the very last word

But by the mercy of the Lord

The darkness of my mind was rent

And I saw the writer's foul intent

Chives and onions! Do you think I'll print

The name of the Wellington Monument

Sydney Parade and Sandymount tram

Downes's cakeshop and Williams's jam

I'm damned if I do--I'm damned to blazes

Talk about Irish Names of Places

It's a wonder to me, upon my soul

He forgot to mention Curli's Hole

Who was it said: Resist not evil

I'll burn that book, so help me devil

I'll sing a psalm as I watch it burn

And the ashes I'll keep in a one-handled urn

I'll penance do with farts and groans

Kneeling upon my marrowbones

And sobbing beside my printing press

My awful sin I will confess

My Irish foreman from Bannockburn

Shall dip his right hand in the urn

And sign crisscross with reverent thumb

Memento homo upon my bum

Memento homo upon my bum