The Wizards Tango Lyrics

You may know me as a sage, adept in the arcane

Chained to all my spell books just reading night and day

But there's oh so many facets, to the way I see the world

For without the things I'm learning Faerun would become unfurled

I'm a wizard and a scholar not a fighter or a monk

A rogue, a druid, ranger, or a bard who is a drunk

Some horny lute magician with some comic quick narration

Honestly what's the point in bardic inspiration

Yes this is a polka section and this is so I can fit many words to a jaunty tune

Thank you

Polymorph immolation summon up some evocation

Speak with dead, divination, try to say prestidigitation

Tidal wave command and halt shocking grasp and fire bolt

It's Tasha's laughter not fault some flames or an electric jolt

At level 1 so small and weak you could prone me with a nod

But once I've grown to level 12 you shall fear me as a god

A pinch of sulphur waste from bats the last thing you'll recall

Is the failed save your goblins made, before they're charred by fireball

I'm a wizard and a scholar not a fighter or a monk

A rogue, a druid, ranger, or a bard who is a drunk

Some horny lute magician with some comic quick narration

Honestly what's the point in bardic inspiration

Ah, comfortably back to tango

No more polka for me no no no no

I was a victim of Tasha's hideous polka

Which is not a spell but I think it should be

Well, yes there may be sorcerers and clerics have their day

Warlocks may also count but this I'd like to say

Just because you worship some eldritch giant squid

Can't you read a book or two, or learn a spell scroll god forbid

Relying on some ancestry or some wild higher power

Without these gifts you're given just a fragile little flower

Apologies if my opinion appears as an affront

I'm just sorry that my learning skills

Makes me seem like I'm a

Quite blunt

I'm a wizard and a scholar not a fighter or a monk

A rogue, a druid, ranger, or a bard who is a drunk

Some horny lute magician with some comic quick narration

Honestly what's the point in bardic inspiration

Ah it would appear we are at the sad part now

Sort of - ish

Though now I'm tired, my slots are gone no more magic to behest

So if you don't mind you'll find my kind enjoys a nice long rest

Though if I oversleep and it makes the party surly

To paraphrase some Gandalf

A wizards never late or early

I understand my type is often the antagonist or bad

But it's just because we're so damn good so please let's not be sad

As I end my lamentation to this song and that is that

So I'll bid farewell to all of you and tip my pointy hat

I'm a wizard and a scholar not a fighter or a monk

A rogue, a druid, ranger, or a bard who is a drunk

Barbarian or cleric, a paladin or worse

At least I'm not a warlock

With some pact I can't reverse

Roll for initiative

Hey