Distracted Lyrics

Distracted

I'm racking my brain tryna get back in

The state that I can rap in

But I ain't about the back end

If I could just take a fraction of these fragments

Put it to use and get it established

I been a prick just like a cactus

They wanna put a pin in my casket

But they can't be the nail and not the hammer

Cuz they ain't never had to try and fail without the answers

They ain't have their ego turn so frail and just abandon

Their whole fucking persona

Then just bail and fucking vanish

But I have

And sometimes I see red just like a wine glass

So I ask myself exactly where I lost my mind at

Rewind back to the time that I fell down on my neck

Just like that, can't turn my head, tears ran to my eyes fast

I started freaking out, the school nurse called my momma

She strapped me in the car took me to the hospital

The doctor ordered a CAT scan

They put me in, real tight, so I felt claustrophobic

All to tell me it's good news, the results were

A pinched nerve in my neck

Get home, I sit there and I rest

Not knowing that shit was about to hit the fan

My dad came in the room, turned his head to give me a glance

He said "why ain't you in school? You sick or somethin?"

Told him "I got hurt in gym class, the doctor said it's nothing"

Before I knew it he was flipping out

Fucking shit up through the house

He was yelling shit was loud

My momma packed our bags and calmed me down

He's still yelling

Off to grandmas house, just like that we just left him

Shit burned in my brain, I can still see all the images

Him going insane screaming now there ain't money for Christmas

I felt bad, like shit because I thought the shit was my fault

We came home the next day, some holes through the dry wall

I don't blame him, I get it. Life's hard, money's stressful

Trying to keep us together, at the same time be successful

And now I'm chasing this dream and I get a taste of this shit myself

And I don't got no kids, so I only pay for myself

Now multiply that shit by four

All the shit that you could buy before is out the door

And you're just tryna stay a week ahead and now a new bill from the hospital is lying there in your name

Shit I'd be pissed too

All the shit he went through just to make sure we was good

Food up on our plates and every game that one of us had he'd break his fucking back just to get to

So anything you may have gotten wrong, I forgive you

It's all because of you that I'm the man that I grew into

Without you I don't know what I would be

And sometimes I think about the day that I won't have you in my life

And that shit fucking breaks my heart

Cuz you did more than play your part

You were what I wanted to be when I grew up, say no more

But that's probably where it started

Lost my mind, went retarded

Now you say the wrong thing to me, I just flip and they're the target

I'm the marksman, I'm not done

I just started

Bitch you can't turn off this faucet I just thought if I did everything like him

I'd be better off like him

I'm competitive like him

I got a temper just like him

It's all clicking, perfect sense

Gotta be my own person

Gotta be alone, perfect

I'm an introvert to start with so this shit shouldn't affect me

People are the only fucking thing that seem to test me

Especially when all I'm doing is tryna be the best me

But all these fucking people seem to line up and address me

And ask me what my plans are?

Exactly what I stand for?

You happy?

You sad? We can't really seem to tell

Like nah I'm fucking pissed right now, somebody get me a belt

Why don't I get any help?

Why did God send me through Hell

But I don't wanna be whining why me, so I'ma get it myself

Nothing new to me

This hollow feeling's getting fucking used to me

But God forbid if I'm not there for someone else

How fucking rude of me

Like I'm playing Survivor, but with no fucking immunity

I'm through with these intrusive dreams

I'm used to being used but we won't go there

I know there ain't nobody in this lane that can touch me

Let 'em hate, let 'em judge me

But they can't take nothing from me

All the fame and the money is as fake and disgusting

As the people that'll change in a fucking millisecond just to gain something from it

Fuck it

I'ma get it by any means necessary

I sincerely vow to make something of myself

Or die in the process of trying to financially secure my family

What?