Squeaky Clean Lyrics

Dwelling in the past flashbacks to when I was young

Who'd ever thought that this is what I'd become

Goin through this difficult time, I find it hard to believe

Why I never stopped to grief

I love my parents, and I deeply respect them

But sometimes I think about way back when

There was a fight everyday, often times more

For 18 years, I'd cover my ears

I hoped and prayed that it would all go away

But deep down I knew it would only stop on that day

Divorce, I felt like my heart was torn

But I talked to nobody, it's just how I was born

And now I feel like I'm on this same path

Of doomed love, for eternity out of my grasp

When I feel that I have it I try my best to cling

But love isn't so simple, so it will sting me

Out of reality and into depression

I guess this is where it comes in, the repression

I try to hold it until it feels like too much

Then I explode in self-loathing, I use it as a crutch

I realized I was killing myself, it was all for naught

Only made ideas fester, and emotions rot

Self-solutions can only go so far

Overtime it just raises the bar

I pretend to be strong, and I guess sometimes I am

But there's only so much my heart can cram

So I tell my friends, even though I feel so embarrassed

Confident exterior, but it's apparent

To them that I'm not feeling as I should

And they help me, more than I ever could

I love them for that, don't know where I'd be without them

I try to explain my problems, but in the end it stems

From the desire for validation and value

And I feel like I'm useless when I don't have you

But it's crazy how far that I've come since way back then

I ignored love for everyone, I won't do that again

C'mon, baby baby c'mon

There's gotta be a better way to heal

This wasn't the deal

Everything in life just gets in my way

And I just can't wait another fucking day

And I can't stop thinking about you

And I'm all out of ideas on what to fucking do

Mental snapped, so I can't react

To what you say anymore, so out the door

I'll go, walk away in a straight line

And I'll keep telling you that I'm fine

'Cause sometimes I am, they just can't understand

What my brain is on, and I don't know either

C'mon, step away from the screen

You don't need that dopamine

C'mon, you're not a broken machine

We're gonna start squeaky clean

C'mon, step away from the screen

You don't need that dopamine

C'mon, you're not a broken machine

We're gonna start squeaky clean

Wait, you're right, I gotta stop this now

Can't let it take over again, every time I vow

That I wouldn't fall into this trap

So I picked up this mic and started to rap

The most cathartic thing for me is hip hop

The ultimate expression, so I'm never gonna stop

So take everything I say to your heart

Nothing can tear me and my beats apart