Passage III. Clinging to a Coveted Fixation Lyrics

This is a continuation of a series of short writings that I created in the days and weeks following the death of my dear wife

I here present the next entry in my passages of ecstasy and anguish

Passage III: Clinging to a Coveted Fixation

I keep talking about this shit, and I keep trying to say something to you

I don't know why. Why should I continue to breathe

You had to stop, and I still aspire to be like you

To be empathetic and empathic and emphatic like you

My soul is still ceaselessly searching, trying to find you

Maybe someday I can get through to you

My vision of the world is now yellow-gray and musty

The air is either dense, still, and lifeless, or so thin and free of oxygen that I am suffocating

What snare captured then twisted our destinies that it could cause such anguish

My being, my existence, has been ripped in half, desperately seeking to feel whole once more

Where are you? How can I find you

Did you still love me, or was I just a necessary companion

to walk with you through the flames of hell on earth

and to escort you to your last breaths

My soul is still ceaselessly searching, trying to find you

Maybe someday, is there some way I can be with you

My soul is searching for a last breath

Last breath

I keep looking for signs

Are signs a thing

Maybe when I don't feel you, you are embracing and figuring out the afterlife and finding community

Conversing with angelic heralds or singing with saints

My soul is still ceaselessly searching, trying to find you

Maybe, maybe someday I can be again with someone like you

There you go again, a true angel of intrinsically adept altruism

Your aura of warmth and kindness always exuded staunchly and steady

No surprise that you'd do this there too

My soul is still ceaselessly searching, trying to find you

Maybe someday, I can move on from the idea of being with you

Last breath

I keep yearning for impossibilities

While knowing there is no sense, I covet the concept of your presence, fixated on us together

You might be speaking, maybe I'm not listening

Your suffering well exceeded mine, yet now I plead for you to somehow do the impossible

Reversing it all wouldn't be a remedy

We're all just stuck on this island of agitation, with no recourse for a solution

My soul is still ceaselessly searching, trying to find you

Maybe someday, I can feel around me the spiritual presence of you

My soul is still ceaselessly searching, trying to find you

Maybe someday, I can be with you again

Maybe someday, I can feel around me the spiritual presence of you again

Maybe