The Harbor Brawl Lyrics

As I approached the Swindling Serpent full of beer and gin

The sound of lively music echoed from within

Below the weathered sign stood a crowd from far and wide

I carved a path to the door and forced my way inside

I sneered in anger when I saw them standing by the fire

Three smug bastards leading their lame, deluded choir

I shall draw first blood, I thought, and break free of fate's cage

So, I reached into the band's tip jar and saw their eyes glow hot with rage

Come one, come all to the Harbor Brawl

And watch a real-life scoundrel fall

Paddy-o, collect your wits 'cause before you can blink

Your ass is going in the drink

Chaos then erupted as a fight song filled the air

I climbed onto the stage, and someone smashed me with a chair

Reeling from the strike, the tavern walls became a blur

But I charged at the pianist, not to be deterred

In the scuffle, the lute player clocked me in the nose

The pianist kicked me in the groin as he licked his wounds and rose

The fiddler's weapon met my skull; I saw a million stars

And realized I'd miscalculated when I attacked the Bards

Come one, come all to the Harbor Brawl

And watch a real-life scoundrel fall

Paddy-o, collect your wits 'cause before you can blink

Your ass is going in the drink

As I came to I smelled salt on the breeze

Then glimpsed the blackness of the harbor leading out to sea

I saw the hands round my wrists and knew what would come to pass

I lashed out at my captors but they held me tight and fast

I cursed the fortuneteller as I tumbled through the air

And vowed I'd return with a vengeance and a flair

As I hit the water I cursed Fate and her silly whims

And prayed to the god of wine that I wasn't too drunk to swim

Now, where were we before that oaf rained on our parade?

You came as soldiers battered, bruised, and broken from the fray

You may see yourselves as cowards, but for us you stood and fought

And showed our common enemy exactly what he wrought

So, let's all refill our cups and revel in his plight

And make it known a bard always beats a jester in a fight

Sweet Paddy-o never knew when he sought to wreck our night

That he would be the one to lift our spirits high

We came, we saw the Harbor Brawl

We watched a real-life scoundrel fall

We'll ambush the Volsung, and before they can blink

Their asses are going in the drink

Yes, their asses are going in the drink