Christmas on the Loo Lyrics

I'd hoped for snow, and festive excess

Red green and gold, instead of brown

My head thinks so, and my heart screams yes

But my stomach says no and I sit back down

I've been sat here since Christmas eve

Thanks to pigs in blankets from 2018

Listening to my girlfriend flirt with Uncle Steve

The turkey is having more fun than me

All alone

Sat on the throne

What's a boy to do?

Another Christmas

I'm not gonna witness

Christmas on the loo

Santa's giving my presents away, hell

I'm counting the toothbrushes

I close my eyes, listening to the sleigh bells

And play on my phone between flushes

I will join you on zoom from the bathroom

I will join you, my family and friends

Celebrate the new year while I'm still here

Then stay until its bitter end

Do 1-2-1s while dropping bombs

When I meet with my colleagues again

Record an album sat on my bum

Not something I would recommend

All alone

Sat on the throne

What's a boy to do?

Another Christmas

I'm not gonna witness

Christmas on the loo