Sympathy for a Mall Elf Lyrics

I've reached the point in my acting career

Defined by my size of latex ears

And Peter Pan boots with bells on the toes

I have to change in my car so my friends won't know

That I'm a Christmas elf at the local mall

My ears are pointy and my hat is tall

I'm spreading Christmas joy

And Christmas cheer

Making sixteen dollars an hour here

At the mall

It's 8 am and I wish I was far away

From a photo opportunity in Santa's sleigh

I'm in charge of the naughty and nice lists

And every single kid is on the nice list

Except for Jack Frost

Oh how I wish I could play Jack Frost

It's an actor's dream to be mischievous

Downright devious

At least it'd make this job less tedious

Workin' as the Jack Frost boy

The day will come when I can no longer book

Roles for people who are older than they look

Then I can't rely on this for pocket money

'Till my next big job as the Easter Bunny

I'm the Will Ferrell elf at the local mall

'Cuz I'm the only guy they had who's six feet tall

I'm done with Christmas joy

And Christmas cheer

And I don't want to spend another fucking year

As an elf