too numb to title this Lyrics

Lonely

Can't nobody own me

Gave up on myself so now I'm focused on the only

Thing that I could use as a distraction, yeah, the shows

And the ho's, G, making me forget about the OGs

My social life half as empty as my soul be

And when I need emotional moments

I always look around to make sure I'm alone here

I keep holding it, focused, I can't show that I'm broken

Sometimes when I feel sad I just hold it and grow it

It feels good because I feel something

At the same time

I'm closed off from everyone, I feel nothing

Happy on rainy days, it's peaceful, I'm still running

From unjust pain so I provoke it to myself

Emotionally, I fill my head with pollution

But it feels like a relief cuz I'm the cause and solution

Scary how easy it is to have this distribution

Started music edits, wish I had total control of it

Linkin Park, NWA got me in sync

Listening to The Incredible True Story

I like these albums that feel like a movie, I think

About my own story, it'd be so cool if I could write it

If I could rap like they can rap, create a story and rhyme it

Maybe I'll make a song I'm too numb to title

Or maybe like Egyptians, I'm just living near denial

But I wonder

What would everyone think?

Never really cared, if I'm that worried, just don't tell 'em, huh

I'll tell 'em eventually, of course

I'm tired of the force I use to go to school every day

I don't even see any meaning in life

I don't really wanna talk with anybody this morning

Just wanna be alone, play Rocket League 'till it's night

Killing my connections, leave my body in mourning

And I ain't even realize

Real lies

To just about everyone, I'm living in my own world

The only thing in me that's still real? Eyes

Pretend to go to school, when dad leaves I just sneak-by

And stay home just so I can be alone

Kate calls, Snowy too, I don't answer the phone

My brother's in school, the babysitter is gone

I have seven hours to myself, this is gold

My dad started dating tho…

I don't know how I feel about it

I'm very happy for him, plus maybe he'll chill around here

As long as it doesn't affect me then I'm chill about it

I won't lose sleep for that reason, I'm still without it

Losing all the love for daily things

Even kicking 'round with the ball on my feet

I used to love as a kid

The truth is I think I'm as numb as you get

And my crush

She got a boyfriend

But even when she didn't, I don't think she would've liked me

Cuz I'm a shy guy who hasn't hit his peak yet

The only thing for me is athleticism and sometimes I'm funny and nice

I guess, but it's a funny side I get to show people more not than often

Stay quiet, when I speak I just talk with caution

Face gets like Ahsoka, resort to Dawson

Maybe in a few years I'll resort to DAWs, son

My posture soften, my face is like I stocked a coffin

Plus Stockholm shocked us

They'd rather a jock than the guy who's not hot, but honest

I guess it's the game, ain't got it locked, you lost 'em

Plus, I got bad habits, it's a lot accustomed

Sacked from football cuz I lost my focus

And the motivation gone, I'm deadlocked in costumes

Can't fly, wings cut, what if I killed myself?

Look down the window Mom used to do the same

Night time, cars parked, no one here to save

Street dark

But still lighter than the cage on my mind

That I wanna be free from

But it's a long fall, I have time to delay

Now my heart is beating as I'm grabbing a swiss-blade

This on the back of my head ever since the sixth-grade

Never wanted therapy but maybe if I did

Right now I wouldn't even wanna be dead

Or is it hormones and I'll regret when it's too late?

Plus, this has gotta hurt, I don't think I'm gonna do it

Being a pussy saved my life

Nah, bro, now I have to do it

Wait, I shouldn't kill myself over ego

Suicide, this what got us broken

Now what, I'm gonna give us a sequel?

No, my brother can't go through what I have

Oh my God, my brother, he's everything I have

I close the knife and go pocket it fast

I will never kill myself, okay, now I'm feeling glad

I think I know what Mom went through, at least the thoughts before it

But everyone is different, why did she go for it?

Does this mean that I'm better than her in this instance?

No, the pedestal she's in is too distant

What she did left me sad, but it's a lesson learned

No matter how hard it is, I won't give up, I'll burn

Through this feeling of sadness and try to be happy

Maybe I'll keep writing on my notes to this rap beat