this is an anxiety attack Lyrics

Kid riding around a paved circle on his bicycle and I think, oh to be satisfied

Riding a bicycle in a circle. Enjoy it while it lasts kid. It only gets harder

I like her. I really do

The difference between feelings and reality

I feel like with the others there has not been a match of difference mutual

Interest and intelligence. They cared how they cared and that is not an issue with them

That is how they care

But this one I feel like she could care to the extent that I care

And she is so intelligent and beautiful and knows about things I have no idea about

The mutual teaching and learning and caring that could exist between the two of us screams out to me

And I have to pretend like it doesn't exist

And leave her alone

And measure our interactions in a science experiment

So I don't flood her because then she will be dead and people are of no use after I killed them by flooding them

They want nothing to do with me because I am a freak and have exhausted their tolerance

With my babble and overbearing capacity to care for them

Why do I feel like this?

Why do I think like this?

Is this why I am on medicine?

Medicine that I forgot to take?

This is an anxiety attack

This whole thing is an anxiety attack

I drank a fifth of whiskey last night and didn't show up to an open mic that my friends played at

We call ourselves a band. Everyone was there except me

I missed it

I missed out

I fucked up

We all play instruments

And one of us is able to write songs

And they are great

And the rest of us learn the songs

And then we all play them together

And maybe some day other people will care

But, as of right now, only our friends care

About the music our friend makes and we play

I am so fucking lonely

Have you ever tried to say thirty things at once?

You are thinking all of them at the same time

And they all try and come out at the same time

And if a human body could explode

But instead of tissue and blood and organs

It was all words that people could read and sounds that people could hear

If I could explode and that could happen

That is why I need to write books

Those explosions I turn into books

And I recently started making albums that nobody is going to like

Except my friends (see above) but it makes me feel good

And I don't have to think when I do them and it gives me something constructive to do

This is who I am. This is what I look like

My life is going to experience a large change rather soon

I can feel it coming and I cannot say what the change is going to be

But I know that it exists

I can feel its presence

Why am I vacuuming? To get a clean rug. Why am I alive?