Traveler's Lament Lyrics

When I get on a plane, the TSA is a pain And I tell you, you can bet your last buck

That no matter who I fly by, by the time we touch down

Something is really gonna suck Maybe the beer ain't cold or the food is old

Or someone's readin' War and Peace on the john

When Murphy wrote his law, he had me in mind And my patience is damn near gone

A big old triple chin walrus of a woman is in the seat to my right

She's so damn big, she's spillin' over into mine So I sit at an angle all flight

And the baby across the aisle has been cryin' for a while

And his momma doesn't seem to care

When I pack my carry-on, I wish I'd had the

Sense To put a roll of duct tape in there

I've flown from Dallas to Bangkok, Frankfurt to New York, Tokyo to San Antone

I've been stranded in Chicago, worked in Seattle Backed into coach like a herd of cattle

Every time I get on a jumbo jet, I wonder if I'll make it off alive

I've had enough, I can't take it anymore Next time I think I'm gonna drive

I'm gonna hit the highway, do things my way Cruise along just bein' free

And what do I see in my rear-view mirror But the traffic cop who's stoppin' me

And even though I'm clean when he sees my hair He wants to search the whole car anyway

I guess they sold out early at the doughnut shop today

When this traffic's a pain, it'll drive you insane

When they cut you off left and right When you're stuck behind a moron starin' at

A phone Who's doin' all the 35

When the rubberneckers clog up the highway Stoppin' traffic just so they can't see

When you're stuck for hours watchin' clods Lean on shovels, workin' for the D.O.T

I drove from Houston to Austin, Tampa to Boston Gatlinburg to Okeechobee

I broke down in Atlanta, got stuck in Nashville The way folks drive it's a wonder that I ain't

been killed

Traffic stinks to the core, I can't take it no more

And it killed my desire to roll

The hell with it all, next time I got vacation I think I'm just gonna stay home

The hell with it all, next time I got vacation I think I'm just gonna stay home

The hell with it all, next time I got vacation I think I'm just gonna stay home