Running from the Void Lyrics

Before I faced fifth grade craved a shotgun to my head

Moms finded my designs so life went on instead

Flushed away the meds, shrink shrunk couple cobwebs

Still Strattera laid foundations for my existential dread

Bask back to a night on my living room floor

Four hours there I lay, contemplating death's door

Power outage from a storm, fam slept 'round me in scores

As a 10-year-old spore, christian hope turned to a horror

Gored by visions of the place I felt I'd dwell

Realm opposite my own no one's known more than a spell

And then returned to tell, fell through a baseless well

Morning came and heaven was my personal hell

My mind's eye despises if I can't conceptualize it

Lies told to my psychiatrist, tried to hide outside the pulpit

Weekly walks to the washroom during church

Desperately dodging death's enduring lurch

Block out all anxious crescendos, sport anchors or Nintendo

Can't tell it to my kin folk

Won't let 'em know I'm broken

Not a word was spoken

Tire with no spokes in

I'm flat, can't let 'em smell that, too potent

No omens on the surface, burned high school like a furnace

Football captain, prom king, musical star, it's no ting

Quiz bowl's top scorer, youth group's best worshipper

Involvement or distraction from my aforementioned horror?

Tore up the ground as I ran away

From a church-camp sermon in my red Air J's

The color in my face went white like whey

My chest felted crushed by 80 tons of weight

So I ran, ran, ran from the Void

Swervin' curvin' fervent fermentation I employed

Envoys in convoys to drown out the noise I'm

Running, running, running, running, running from the Void

I envisioned myself encased in molten bronze

Skin melting for eternity can't move my legs or arms

On a Boy Scout hiking trip this vision dawned

Spawned replays in my head like a jumbotron

Day after day, month after month

Replay after replay, under the gun

Not a physical one, near-mythical stun

It put me in a daze whether bummed or into somethin'

X said hell is hot, mine it was a smelter

That vision soldered to my thoughts, call my brain a welder

Helter skelter, I scrambled not from elders

Sheltered by dopamine hits shit festered

Returning with more hest than Devin Hester

Still outwardly wit woes I'm the jester

Request your attention at this time

Tank's mind interrupts this rhyme for

Mortalistic panic

Fuck that get torn, I'll chase you off with porn

Madden, Call of Duty or Wii Sports

Don't care if my entire mind state's engorged

Long as that ever-present fear gets ignored

I will run, run, run from the Void

Swervin' curvin' fervent fermentation I'll employ

I'll send envoys in convoys to drown out the noise

I'm running, running, running, running, running from the Void

As I avoided longer, paranoia grew stronger

Just die and face the monster

Would, but too much fear plays haunter

Too much pain to my family'd be sponsored

Friends would call me coward if I slit my wrists asunder

Nah, I'm just really on some George Bailey shit

Wishing wholeheartedly that I didn't exist

Wait

Nevermind

Actually, that's the greatest fear

Saw my millionth moment on my death bed Saturday

All I see afterward a black hole nowadays

Bringin' on the misery, thought that stick with me

Infinity over any number's infinity

Could live a trillion years, death would still hang heavy

Panic attacks in my champagne Chevy

Puffin' pain away smokin' ounces of reefer

Panic pounces back on me like a seizure

Triggered by graveyards as I drive by

Thicker than cigars buncharos bundled high

Invigored by news shards sensationalized

Too easy to see ether, have to wonder

Why would any God create me like this?

Haven't been to church in months numbered six

In seven years can count the number on two hands

Hard to stand under him when you don't understand why

Sleep's more than a cousin of death, it's the twin

At least in my personal perception

Prescribed a leapin' sheep pill, countin' double doses

The roses and toastses composes the lotus

If roads go to nowhere, do journeys have no meaning?

Can't let go of grudges, my smudges or my feelings

Can't let go of pets, frets, sex or dealings

I can't let go of no thing, let along breathing

This marathon I've gone on puttin' countless hours in

To vices so strong I utilized like medicine

Steerin' fears of death, it turns me outta livin'

So I have to turn around, more than every now and then

Embrace the angst that's chased me for so long

Let it get to set up, settle into a song

Okay to be afraid, learnin' that it's not wrong

To interface not replace these read-alongs

Is there a heaven? Truly I don't know

If I don't avoid looking I could find one though

And even if death is the end of our existence

Won't perceive no perception so there's really no persistence

Guess I'll run, run, run to meet the Void

No more swervin' curvin' fervent fermentation to employ

Envoys in convoys to learn from the noise

Guess I'll run, run, run into the Void