bildungsroman Lyrics

When I, when I

When I, nuh-nuh-nuh

Uh

Bildungsroman, color in the print head

Story of the danger

Story of the nostalgia and my revelations

Story tells confection of confusion and distraction

Originally my verse was deeper, darker and way sadder

Originally I let my blood let like Akudama twins

Tortured words, nevermind, not how I get to Nirvana

Although it's a therapeutic piece, felt it served its purpose

My guitar crying on the projects why I said I'm tired

Courteous scripts, novel concept, rocky road but not appalling

Pics never describe the blood I put my hands in

But the blood does not describe the joy I found my living trance in

As I grew, I knew my light was found then learned it wasn't, really

As I grew, my light kept getting brighter, jolts of joules flew freely into sparks

Then into more descriptions, then I learned the process, I learned the process

Okay

Took me 19, Should've known by 15

Know I'm somewhere on screen, somewhere on the color wavelengths

Somewhere on the level, don't know what to tell you

Somewhere in the chamber of reflection staring deadly

On the drive, I see the first track made me wanna get it

It hit me twice, I bought the crown on credit, I still wear it

Somewhere on the spectrum, I don't understand it

I need the flowers or my bombs gonna be more than cherry

Uh

I stressed out, way too many times I overthought about

Whether love I gave to people really counted in their eyes

Whether words were really heard and not just passed off as a five

And whether they would really care about me

Sergeant made me think, reconnect with fancies

Abbey showed a different light, praying that Addie don't stress about the cover

I got told my problems, ego size of Texas, bold

But I knew

This is proof that separate paths go on, not always peaceful though

To be at fault, coming back to peace with it

What a story

I've recited it before, no more, glory to the souls

Nine-fold, everyone I've known is up on top

Love myself, but know abstraction is what makes me go forth

It's peace and love

I trust you know

It's peace and love

Writing my memories on the page

Uh

The day trans people don't get put in a cage

And the day I can be whoever I am in my space

The day the box don't define how you can find your Genesis

And the day the green wall don't define my experiences

I'm ready to be confident, and open, and determined

And a color cannot put me in a palette or a painting

I'm blue sometimes, I'm red sometimes, I'm none

Sometimes I'm all, when I can't define which I mixed up

And sometimes I doubt if my choice of medium is the one

Maybe if I drew instead, I'd be successful and not stuck

Maybe if I drew on pen, I'd fit right in with everybody

If my lines were just okay, would they appreciate my story?

If I did the inspiration justice, will they sing about me too

And if I went phantom would you text sayin' you missed me too?

I don't care about the party, I came full circle so my circle is what matters

And if I count my friends on one hand, I'll make it past this

You know that's what they say, always better safe than sorry, I'm free

It's like, my bildungsroman

Freedom, freedom, my bildungsroman

Every memory is written on the paper

Every memory is written on the paper

Even if I doubt my skill, I guess I always kick back eventually

And when I doubt my skill, I feel a flame burning and giving will

Mm, Nana, nana

Dana nana, nana, nana

I feel a flame

I feel a flame burning and giving will

Will