Deva Lyrics

It's been 9 years since the day I thought would never come

Took me by surprise and then completely shocked everyone

You battled on your own but I know you wished that help will come

Know you fought your hardest but I'm so mad that the devil won

When my mother called me I knew one family member died

You didn't cross my mind because there was no way you weren't alive

I found out it was you, I burst into tears, started to cry

I couldn't believe it 'cause in my eyes you could never die

At that time I was going through some shit

I was 15 years old, yeah I was just a kid

I fell out with my mam, I went to your house to live

I was trying to stay calm, but my mam I can't forgive

She was singling me out at home, I didn't like it

I was ringing you on my phone, I couldn't fight it

I couldn't fight it alone, with me you sided

So then you fell out with my mam while she denied it

So then you took me in and cared for me

Even with your own two kids you were there for me

Living in a house nobody was attacking me in

And I had peace in my mind, I was happy again

But then my mother called, said she wanted me home

Said she wanted to talk, so you hand me the phone

She was trying to be nice, I said my answers no

Thought you were on my side, but you said I should go

It was at that moment I felt I was on my own

You the only one there for me but now I felt alone

I felt like you turned your back on me, I started to pack

You said that if I'm not happy at home, I'm still welcome back

So then I went home but the problems were still there

And not one thing even changed, I was sad, it wasn't fair

Months had passed, on a Wednesday I met you in town

You were heading out with my uncles, you said I should come down

I told you that I wouldn't be allowed

She didn't want me to see you and the reason was because you two fell out

You told me I that I should get the bus out and stay the night

But I knew that if I asked my mother, it would cause a fight

Wanted to see you, I couldn't ask cause I was nervous

Spent the next few days just building up the courage

I was eating dinner with my family that Sunday

Finally asked if it was okay to see you some day

Her response was a no, my reply was a why

Then we went back and forth until it was a fight

I said you were my family I'll see you if I want

But she wasn't having none of it so I said k we're done

Then Sunday came around, over one week since I saw you

I didn't expect to get news that I would ball to

My mother brought me home, sat me down, I was stressed

Then she said to me that Deva was found dead

My head fell in my hands, then I filled my hands with tears

Believe me when I say I cried, 'cause I cried for 5 years

You were the closest person to me, I miss you a lot

Memories and pictures of you now that's all I got

Bet you never thought that I would feel your pain

Never thought that 4 years later I would almost do the same

But the thing is nothing changed, and I'm still feeling this way

'Cause some days I'm feeling great but then some days I feel insane

Like I'll dive inside a grave, meet you at the pearly gates

Then I find reasons to stay, so my life I try to save

Stop and think, I'm like wait, does this all show that I'm brave

'Cause my life just keeps on flowing so I'll keep riding the wave

You were stronger than I am, imma say this, probably shouldn't

But I still really don't know how I got through it and you couldn't

This might sound bad but that's not how it's propelled

But I'm proud that I got through it and I know you're proud as well

Every time I think of you, it feels like I'm impaled

Feels like I'm a paying the price by being stabbed with nails

I try to keep my mind off of it, but to no avail

Because I think that I could've saved you, so that means I failed

You'll live on forever, I know that's a fact

And one day we'll meet again, wherever you're at

I'll tell everyone about you, all the memories I've gotten

What I'm saying is you'll never be forgotten