The Tennessee Board of Regrets Lyrics

The Tennessee Board of Regrets regrets the misprint in issue 91

Articles wherein misplacing your name on the list of the imminently to be demised

But you're fine—you still have lots of time

Our condolences sir if, caught in the thrill of not having to live

You revealed to your mistress, your wife, your boss, your kids

That you wouldn't miss

These ups & downs, pills & retirement accounts

Paris a place that you'll never go

Afternoons, TV's tuned into you

Microchips pesticides organic food

But that's nothing new

Moreover we'd like to correct (if you'll permit) the clause on page 13, column five, second sentence in

Concerning the date for your burial

It was a vast oversight by an intern

You can rest assured we've long since fired

These workarounds, potholes in every route

Parisian lungs fill up with smoke

Afternoons mind's playing tricks on you

Mice in the walls and across your floor

Searching evermore

And you know what they're looking for

Scavenging crumbs from a two-legged god

But who hasn't been there before

Paste on your teeth and black mold in your thoughts

You don't take it lightly

Insurmountable odds to be happy with what you got

As a token of our deep regrets and sympathies

Will you please accept 12 months of our publication free

We thank you for your loyalty

We thank you for your loyalty

Coupon enclosed

We thank you for your loyalty