Rendezvous Lyrics

You learn a lot in four years but I'm still here

Waiting for the bus

Know my troubles ain't enough when I'm sitting on em

I know the world gives you struggles so you grow from em

But workin' overtime rough I need a break from it

Depressions got an eager grasp on my weary eyes

I see the picture clearer when I'm drinking all night

Know I'm in danger when I'm thinkin' with the wrong mind

If there's an issue please tell me so I act right

It's a battlefield comin' and I March without running

Nothin really gives me joy these days

Don't give a fuck if it's my last these days

I'm fantasizing bout a crash with no pain

You pick your poisons when you play the love game

I saw it comin' but I can't predict the weather

So I didn't have a jacket for the rain

Spelling out my own name feels weird when it's been this much change

I don't hold grudges but this old budget for faithful trust is in shambles

Experience in interactions I can't do

I'm serious when I give info I'm careful

My theory met with reality and it fell through

I'm tearing up on the balcony and I can't move

My limbs weak I try to fake what I can't do

I won't eat cause I don't value my health now

My mind's crippled with self-doubt and riddled with drugs now

Seen my own cousin get neglected for that shit

It's easier to vent about this stuff when I'm rappin'

I wanna feel protected but I'm left with my head down

Killin my lungs on the porch side

It's a bitter winter and a cold night

I had the chance to be a winner and I torched my prize

This life is withering I see an empty look in my eyes

I lack a lot of energy to go and get realigned

But I kept myself lucid I was readin' the signs

I'm less affected by the threats that put my pulse on a line

And to my dearest, I apologize for breaking the ties

It's nothin' personal

I found a new identity in a past life

I'm distant from it cause I'm closer with this jackknife

I watched the leaves grow green until they withered to ash

And drifted back to the ground to feed a new story

No longer keep a bold interest for passion

I led my mission and crashed

Just use my soul to fuel the next journey

I give and take what I can

But I've no interest for plans

I'm lettin fate steer my vessel wherever feels fair

Stuck in a pit of despair I raised my hands to the air

And held on to anything that ever reached for em

I found myself in a happier place

Long nights on the phone building myself a new home

Intrusive thoughts started fading away,

I woke up dreaming of tomorrow instead of dreading today

And it was yes yes yes to every offer I got

It's not the best way to live but shit it helped me a lot

But self-doubt don't wait for you to prep for it

I couldn't see that all my actions kept my hell dormant

I had a pretty loose grip on what I wanted in life

And when I thought I had made it you kicked the dirt in my eye

And left me traumatized

I banked a lot on a figment of imagination

hoping for the environment that I could feel was less complacent

My deepest goals and ambitions got left adjacent

With a soul that don't want no business with me or mines