Transparency/In Time Lyrics

All of these creative choices I've defended

Doing everything I can, feeling overextended

Am I lesser cause I panic and I cannot adjust

To these social situations that I'm often presented?

When my dad's at home adjusting to his brand new appendage

Cauterised's chorus lies, the verses, I meant it

The glass of milk lyric, I've come to resent it

But I've had some trouble sleeping since that song ended

8 year old me would be heartbroken I'm not a writer

I can't start ideas, develop or finish either

Staring at a blinking cursor, the screen brighter

My life a movie, Charlie Kaufman is the screenwriter

I need to slip into a life that's easier

An attention span whittled away for years by social media

Then COVID hit that shit like a meteor

Procrastinated every little thing, I got wearier

And now I can't relax, cause my brain sees doing nothing as wrong

It took me four fucking months to write the lyrics for this song

Unproductive, a passing judgement, moving on

Unfulfilling hours fill my days, moving time along

I feel lazy, I feel like vermin

I hear people say my work ethic is absurd, man

Oh yeah, is it? Really? If I was so determined

Then I'd still know how to speak a single word of German

And the album would've been out by winter

But creativity takes patience I missed, and

You can't carve sculptures without a few splinters

And all for some art that I put my soul into

I'm making too many checks, just like receipts

Overthinking, place my own self in the hot seat

Every aspect of my life, columns on a spreadsheet

Record and process that shit, throw it right on a beat, beat

No label on my mental, no label for release

Put myself into my music till I'm missing a piece

Summer was three whole months, felt like just two weeks

Felt like I wasted it, I cried, bundled up in my sheets

It's scary this is how time will pass for me now, bask in it now

Wondering who around me's masking a frown, pass it around

Cause I don't wanna be translucent alone

I'm doing what I can here, I threw you a bone

Am I exaggerating feelings, or are they my own

Fraudulent lyricist, co-writer: Rhymezone

Look back at the old me, I'm not sure if I've grown

4AM, blue eyes, twitter feed on my phone

Traded less day for more night

But that's a bad trade like a haunter with an eviolite

I can't evolve without the right climate

Not on the same page, cause we kept things quiet

Everyone else feels bad so you feel bad too

Then you feel worse cause you think you're making this about you

Self-exploitative, writing lines when I feel blue

Result's a downer of a song, I hope it isn't true

Plans indeterminate so I felt like shit

Even worse, didn't get any lyrics out of it

I just remembered something I said 3 years ago

And I don't like how I worded it

I should move on, but that's not something I'm great at

Check the lock once, minute later I'm straight back

Said I might have OCD, wasn't easy to say that

Know you apologised, but you can't take a laugh back

Give myself credit, might need to renegotiate

OCD gave me intrusive thoughts, I disassociate

But it's hard to disconnect myself from it when it's

The disorder people treat like a personality trait

"I'm soooo OCD" nah you just like shit ship-shape

Acting too brave for someone self-diagnosed, fucks sake

This album's good now, in a year it's a pisstake

Like Normal Kind of Strange, retconned to a mixtape

When it's done, I'm scared I won't release it

Cause I won't be brave enough to put this track on and repeat it

I'm scared the ones I love think I don't mean it

Or think the album's shit, and I poured my whole heart out for nothing

Music, film, and writing, damn I've cast a wide net

Looking for that one thing, but hasn't arrived yet

I've got the goals that a true artist might set

But am I good enough to justify the mindset

I'm not immortal, but something I make

Could be, so I've gotta work with no breaks

So despite what I've said, nothing I am is a mistake

I've been translucent, now I can return opaque

Wondering

Wondering if I'm saying the right things

Wondering if the words I'm choosing to say

Mean anything to anyone but me

Wondering if I'm saying things because I mean it

Or because it seems like the right thing to say

Wondering if I'm getting words off my chest

But they're still circulating my mind

Wondering if words can actually change anything

Wondering if anyone else feels like this

Wondering if you're even listening

You've shot yourself in the foot

And you're stumbling

Wondering is this how much time it took

To become someone worth being

I've never spelled it out

Cause the letters themselves

Were beautiful alone

But they never had any meaning to me

If I hold your head

And tell you it'll all be fine

Will you hold mine in time

And will you tell me that I break too easily

So I can make myself stronger

And I can hold on a little longer this time

Saying everything will be alright

Everything will be okay I promise

Saying everything will be alright

Everything will be okay I promise

If I hold your head

And tell you it'll all be fine

Will you hold mine in time

(Letters themselves were beautiful alone)

And will you tell me that I break too easily

So I can make myself stronger

And I can hold on a little longer this time

(Letters themselves were beautiful alone)

This time

This time

This time