Tom Cruise Lyrics

Broski!

Yo, what's up?

So, I was scrolling through Facebook the other day, you know like all the old people do (uh huh)

And I was thinking about how I haven't seen Tom Cruise in the news much lately

Man, who cares about Tom Cruise anymore?

Uh, your mom

She probably does, but like, wasn't he a Scientologist or something?

Oh my god, he is! Have you heard about the crazy process they have to go through?

The amount of money they have to spend just to progress a stinking level?

What the hell is a level?

Dude! They have to pay money to go through these different levels and at the end they have to go through all of these stupid metal doors just to open a briefcase!

What's in the briefcase?

It's the secret to Scientology dawg!

I don't believe it

Well, Tom Cruise does

I'm pretty sure he goes through all of that just to not be able to see his daughter

No, they don't believe their kids are their own

That's why he doesn't acknowledge his daughter's existence

Plus, he's always off filming movies

That's like, really sad

Yeah, but you wanna know what else is sad?

What?

The amount of Mission Impossible movies there are that nobody watches anymore

Hah, I've never even seen a Mission Impossible movie

Exactly, that's why they're irrelevant

I mean Top Gun was pretty glib though

Which one?

Uh, both of 'em

Wait, what does "glib" mean again?

It means it sucked, I think?

Well, I didn't see it, so I wouldn't know

Dude how do people watch those movies and not notice those chompers?

Oh man, the center tooth!

Yeah, it's so weird but like, that still didn't really answer our question

And what was our question again?

Is Tom Cruise still a Scientologist?

Is Tom Cruise still a Scientologist?

Is Tom Cruise still a Scientologist?

Is Tom Cruise still a Scientologist?

Is Tom Cruise still a Scientologist?

Is Tom Cruise still a Scientologist?

Is Tom Cruise still a Scientologist?

Is Tom Cruise still a Scientologist?

Awe man, I gotta go, I'll see ya later