One Of Those Days Lyrics

I woke up this morning the alarm clock exploded

Put a gun to my head it turned out to be loaded

With my pulse on the trigger I slipped on some ice

I shot holes in my waterbed and almost drown twice

The phone rang I answered in a hung over haze

Looks like I'm having one of those days

I tried to fix breakfast set fire to my eggs

I drove to work hungry weak in the legs

I rolled through a stop sign there in my mirror

Was a state police trooper whose siren rang clear

He put me in handcuffs saying crime never pays

It looks like I'm having one of those days

They took me to jail and I was strip searched at nine

By a six foot policewoman who laughed the whole time

They took me to court the first time in my life

And there to my horror was my judge the ex wife

She gave me ten years to be changing my ways

It looks like I'm having one of those days

They put me in prison I had a roommate named meat

He had an attraction for unblemished feet

And so I tore off my toenails and then I threw them away

When he broke into laughter and said I'm not gay

So here in my bunk I lay back and rephrase

It looks like I'm having one of those days