Trauma (3/30/22) Lyrics

What's the purpose of all this, struggle and fighting, for this life that we have?

We living life man

Real shit

Damn

Let me get this off my chest

Been in my head so much

I can't, explain how it feels

I'm seventeen, on my way out of school

On to the system

I realize we been put in a box

This how we livin'

Cars, clothes, money, ho's

Is this what we want?

I been really thinking lately

I don't wanna start

Cause' if I get to thinking I'm anxious

There ain't no stopping

I been like this since I was a kid

Damn

Anxiety made my mind a weakness

Cuts and scrapes, they slowly deepen

I been stuck inside the deep end

What's it like to live in freedom?

Damn

And that's just the start

Uh

I been stuck in my mind

Struggle to find

Answers to my problems

I realize that my mind been wired, to live in drama

I feel for my momma, seen her struggle through the trauma

She been going through this shit even before I was thought of

I don't know how I did it but I'm thankful that I did

Poured my heart out I was crying I was trying to get to him

I was praying on my knees to God but I couldn't hear him

But I'm thankful for the pain

Without it I'd be nothing

Reminiscing on the days when I couldn't feel nothing

I remember thinking I just want to feel something

So I came up with the phrase, same everyday

Cause' I felt like I was living the same single day

Fast forward two years later and I'm feeling like death

Family problems and my mind

It's making a mess

I got a lot on my plate

And I can't take the stress

So I think I wanna go

I really wanna go

Thinking 'bout the shit I went through with tears in my eyes

Thoughts flying at me I don't even gotta chance to fight

I think It' getting bad again but I hope I'm not right

I don't wanna do it again, I don't think that I could fight

This is how it's been for as long as I could remember

I have a story from every year

Fourteen, was the same everyday

Fifteen, I felt alone

Sixteen

My life felt pointless

I'm alone in this world with all of my thoughts

Think it's gone sometimes but then I get lost

I'm stuck inside my mind with all of my flaws

I try my best but I'm so scarred

And I'm so far from reality

I think I'm doing better

Not in reality

I'm so far from who I wanna be

I really, really, really just wanna live in peace

Really been through it

I don't know how I do it

I been through so much pain, now I'm really feeling useless

Didn't really have a childhood, so now I'm feeling youth-less

When I'm with anybody I feel like a nuisance

But I can't be alone

I don't wanna be alone

I'm always in my head can't do it anymore

World war in my head so I fall to the floor

Feel like maybe soon I'll be at heavens door

I know everyone fighting, and everyone trying

I'm trying not to breakdown, cause' you can't see I'm hurt

I'm tryna be the best me, I don't know how it works

I'm tryna stay calm, but honestly I'm hurt

Inside my head I can't think

But you don't know what caused this in me

How can you act that way to me

I'm trying

(I'm tryna be the best me)

(I don't know how it works)

(But honestly I'm hurt)