i have trouble expressing myself so i wrote this Lyrics

(Here in my room, in hermit mode

I have maladaptive daydreams of a road

A pathway paved of crystals and gold

I'd rather stay there until I grow old)

I'm sorry I don't mean to hide

Things have gotten so rough

I'm relearning who I am inside

I'm being faced with my triggers once again

When I thought I had healed

But it almost feels like nothing had changed

Guilty conscience

Full of nonsense

Take some time alone to reset

Is it true? Am I a burden?

I want your complete honesty

I just don't want you to lie to me

Am I seeing things clear?

Is this reality

Is this the truth?

Is it real?

Or is it just

How I feel?

It's hard for me to navigate through

What my brain tends to put me through

Do

You really

Hate me like

My head thinks you do?

Or am I just so hard on myself

I wish I could blame it on everybody else?

(I think that I just hate myself

I'm assuming that everyone hates me too)

(Oh, I know, I know

I know, I know, I know)

I know you haven't heard from me in a while

I'm just scared of fucking up again

Avoidant, radio silent

Terrified of hurting you again

In a room full of people

I've never felt so alone

It's the strangest feeling I've ever felt

The most painful thing I've ever known

I don't wanna drink

I don't wanna smoke

I don't wanna feel like

I'm still 21 and broke

Running laps tryna catch up

But I can't seem to

Get the timelines to match up

And it sucks (Fuck)

Yeah, this fucking sucks (FUCK)

I could blow my brains out

Or you could watch me choke (WATCH ME CHOKE)

It's all so unbearable and you already know

I'm not afraid to hurt myself

But I'm afraid to go

(Off the deep end like that again)

(This is self destruction at it's best

Self isolating with the excuse to rest

The never ending tightness in my chest

To hideaway is my safest bet)

I think that I just hate myself

I'm assuming everyone hates me too

I have to change but I need some help

So why am I so scared to ask you

Don't wanna bother

But this just can't do

I don't wanna make you feel like you

Bit off more than you can chew

I keep hurting myself out of fear of hurting you

I think that I just hate myself

I'm assuming everyone hates me too

I have to change but I need some help

So why am I so scared to ask you

Don't wanna bother

But this just can't do

I don't wanna make you feel like you

Bit off more than you can chew

I keep hurting myself out of fear of hurting you

I don't wanna make you feel like you

Bit off more than you can chew

I keep hurting myself out of fear of hurting you