No Sex Lyrics

They told you back in high school

It's not safe to sleep around

Fidelity

Monogamy

Find a mate and settle down

This world is full of viruses psychosis and disease

You've got to have your partner tested

Before you drop down to your knees

When you find the love you've waited for

Promise to be true

A thousand times the love you give

Will come right back to you

They told you you'd share everything

And sign each others checks

But what they never told you is you won't be having sex

Not tonight

She's got a headache

Not tomorrow she's got a plan

Not this week she's got a visitor

And she's working on her tan

Not Monday you've got a meeting

Not Tuesday she's got school

Wednesday is your golf game

And Thursdays you shoot pool

She's headed out of town this weekend to take another class

Ever since you've gotten married you can't seem to get a piece of ass

So you gathered at the alter with your relatives and friends

For richer poorer better worse through measles and the bends

You linked your lives together with a pair of golden bands

Promised to be faithful as the preacher held your hands

You took a timeless honeymoon to a wild exotic place

Showering together wearing cotton silk and lace

Playing slots at the casino living high on lady luck

Never knowing it was the last time that you'd find the time to

Share quality intimacy

Not tonight

She's got a headache

Not tomorrow she's got a plan

Not this week she's got a visitor

And she's working on her tan

Not Monday you've got a meeting

Not Tuesday she's got school

Wednesday is your golf game

And Thursdays you shoot pool

She's headed out of town this weekend to take another class

Ever since you've gotten married you can't seem to get a piece of ass

Now you're living in suburbia and working in the yard

Two cars in the driveway

Life has never been less hard

You've got power tools and projects Microsoft Office and the net

It's enough to make you satisfied but still you can't forget

The way it felt to hold her when you couldn't pay the bills

When her smile could light the evening and take away your chills

And you'd trade a thousand paychecks for a glimpse of yesterday

When you and this same woman were constantly rolling in the hay

Not tonight

She's got a headache

Not tomorrow she's got a plan

Not this week she's got a visitor

And she's working on her tan

Not Monday you've got a meeting

Not Tuesday she's got school

Wednesday is your golf game

And Thursdays you shoot pool

She's headed out of town this weekend to take another class

Ever since you've gotten married you can't seem to get a piece of ass

Now you're lying on the couches watching sitcoms on tv

A place you never thought you'd ever land or want to be

She's reading Elle and Cosmo while you're snoring like a mule

It's enough to make you wonder if way back there in high school

Did they know what they were saying did they even have a clue

That life could get so comfortable that you'd lose the urge to screw

As she's taking off her makeup and drifting off to sleep

You wonder where the passion went that used to run so deep

Not tonight

She's got a headache

Not tomorrow she's got a plan

Not this week she's got a visitor

And she's working on her tan

Not Monday you've got a meeting

Not Tuesday she's got school

Wednesday is your golf game

And Thursdays you shoot pool

She's headed out of town this weekend to take another class

Ever since you've gotten married you can't seem to get a piece of ass