Love To Be (Little ray of sunshine) Lyrics

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The other day I had a dream

That I floated slowly into a mouth

And the mouth looked just like mine

It had the same chipped tooth

That I only chipped the other day

And I felt all kinds of weird things that I will never try to explain

In the dream I heard music

It was strange and it was dragged and it was pretty

And so I woke up the next day and I tried to replicate it

Then mom asked me to get some groceries because right now she's sick and can't do it herself

I say yes and leave the house

And got the groceries and come back

I was unloading all the things out the trunk of my car and I noticed a box

The box of The Beautiful Meaningless CDs I still

Need to give to a lot of people

Seeing this box of my creations reminded me of the day of the release

I remember seeing Kylies dorm for the first time

We all sat and laughed and talked and

There was a moment when we were hanging when Spencer showed us a list on his Phone

Of the things that remind him of Kylie (by the way, Spencer is Kylie's boyfriend)

I think some of the things were things like

Gold Dust by Duster

And the google docs logo

And blue Pokémon

And more blue things that I forgot

I remember thinking how interesting it was that most of the things were blue

I remember zoning out looking at the list while my friends did their own thing sitting there

I got this melancholy feeling wishing I felt the same way about somebody

Cause I was still fresh off a long long relationship that made me forget what true love Really is

And seeing that list made me feel like I was missing out on so much

I wish that

I had that

I wish that

I had that

And looming in the background

Is a cold dark wall

The snail crawling toward me

A pebble in my shoe

A black boat in the sky coming close

I fall to my back on the shore of the beach

I am crucified like a fly in a web

No matter what you throw I will always be alive

The blood on my hands keeps a love by my side

Oh how I love to be

Oh how I love to be

How

It is all I need

It is all I need

Now

Oh how I love to be

Oh how I love to be

How

Drive your car into the lake

Drive your car into the lake

Every day is a table

With different things on each one

I wonder what weird stuff

It's going to be tomorrow

If I think too hard I kind of get freaked out

I feel like a boulder

Tumbling down a mountain

Sometimes you pass by others

Briefly

And then you say goodbye

I wonder what's at the bottom

That I'm getting to faster and faster

Success

Or loss

Or something I can't even imagine

I try always to snap out of it and realize exactly what's happening now

"My thoughts are not real and I'm just a body

There is no dread and there is no spirit"

Is what I say and what I say to you

Don't know if I believe it but it helps me get balanced

This life is strange and full of strange things

Sometimes things don't go at all the way that you want it to

And sometimes you lie that they actually are

And you just you favorite ways to cope with the spikes

And I am a boy just like you

And I am a girl just like you

You can do the same things that I do

I still make mistakes and I will always love you

I remember when Teagan told me

That her and Kate decided that I'm a ray of sunshine

I don't know if they still feel the same way now cause now I'm dating a girl that they hate

Anyways it reminded me of a list I have in my head of my little rays of sunshine

I think of Phil Elverum and Bjork and my mom and Keith Haring and Alex Giannascoli

As my life goes on and on and on

I feel like there's a chance that I hold a lantern

A lantern that my 12-year-old self would never dream of

A lantern that can get you through the darkest forest

And out the other end, love to be by my side

I think that

I have that

And looming in the background

Is a cold dark wall

The snail crawling toward me

A pebble in my shoe

A black boat in the sky coming close

I fall to my back on the shore of the beach

I am crucified like a fly in a web

No matter what you throw I will always be alive

The blood on my hands keeps a love by my side

Oh how I love to be

Oh how I love to be

How

It is all I need

It is all I need

Now

Oh how I love to be

Oh how I love to be

How

Drive your car into the lake

Drive your car into the lake

I love the clouds

I love the earth

I love people

I love sounds

I love space

I love my dreams

I love friends

I love food

I love art

I love songs

I love touch

I love my blood

I love hurting

I love healing

I love airplanes

I love drawing

I love making

I love laughing

I love singing

I love writing

I love dancing

I love seeing

I love being