When I Met Poetry (Men Don't Feel) Lyrics

Before my mind was fully formed

Books never interested me

What did it matter if there were new worlds inside

Fiction didn't capture my imagination

It didn't match mine either

One day, on my countless shelves

I noticed poetry hiding behind a plain cover

There wasn't a story to tell

Just a new way to see the world I already knew

I thumbed the pages

Finding new ways to understand the numbness in pain

The chaos of chance

The experiences which would tell me never to feel the same

Until the resonance felt like salt in the wound

When relatable content felt like torment my lexicon became limp

I started to evade my triggers

I forgot what it was like to feel

Before I hit rock bottom

And exhumed my passion for expression

Today

I'm full of feeling

Ready to share my story

Of endless nights

Between the sheets with anxiety

With so much weight in my head

I couldn't lift it from the pillow

I wondered what happy childhood nostalgia felt like

All I had was memories of when I was young and silent

Unable to stutter words that would allude to my insecurities

Which stemmed from inside but when it came to placing blame

My reflection would hide

I kept the door to humble hearts locked

Through fear of being chewed through

And never being whole enough to find someone new.

The unconfounded anxiety twisted my words

Ensuring what I meant never came through

They were just sound vibrations with no resonation

I forgot what it meant to feel with words

I could only deal

With uncertainty and absurdity

When nights would roll around

I'd toss

Turn

And keep the dangers

Of this world on repeat

Why is there free speech if I'm shut down every time I speak

Anxiety is my closest friend

Why won't it let me sleep

This is panic attack number six this week

I was withered

Shaken and weak

From the negativity

I'd soak up

Before it dampened my sheets in sweat

What made you a part of me

Anxiety

Can't you set me free

I still fear giving a spare key to my heart

But I'm getting there

Maybe I'm ready enough to find another toothbrush

Next to mine from time to time.

There are so many things I would have vocalised

If only I wasn't so terrified

In the days before comfort crept in and bathed me

In a warm desire to be listened to without fear

From that day

My love for words rose higher than any wave of anxiety

For a lifetime

It felt I had nothing to lose

But now I can see

The true nature of reality

My former perception was pulled from the grave I dug myself into

I spent entire nights

Marching in the trenches of my bed after days slept away

Anxiety has never been fond of me

But the cruellest teachers are the best ones you'll ever have