Man I love my local on a Saturday night

Everybody's sitting talking drinking this and that

The coof behind the bar is pulling pints in pink cravat.

Young guy in the corner trying to chat up some old dear meanwhile the geezer by the window looks out in a state of fear. Next thing the door bursts open some guy looking for a fight

Man I love my local on a Saturday night.

Old Davie's at his table with a nose that's always dripping and most of it is falling in the whisky that he's sipping the hustler plays the bandit but he's really in a sweat he's been feeding it since Tuesday but ain't dropped a penny yet then a Christian electrician shouts out that he's seen the light. Man I love my local on a Saturday night.

You know that I'm no gambler but five will get you ten we'll all be back next Saturday and do it all again and if you don't believe me and think that's all spin then you can turn around and ask them just who's out and who is in.......We're in!

A friend of mine is trapped beside a guy who won't stop talking who seems to think that he's more qualified than Stephen Hawking. I signal to the barmaid someone's fighting for their life so she hands the mouth the telephone and tells him "that's your wife" he suddenly stops talking for the first time in his life. Man I love my local on a Saturday night.

I see the door swing open wide and in walk Roy and Pete they get two pints of lager cross the floor and take a seat. Some dude walks past the dartboard lets out a painful shriek a stray dart must have hit him as he went to take a leak

but we just play the jukebox and laugh into the night. Man I love my local on a Saturday night.