Yule Log Lyrics

Christmas is a time of cake and nuts and sweets

A time of giving and of eating chocolate treats

As well as vast assorted cooked and uncooked meats

In short no shortage of tasty stuff a man can eat

Another biscuit? It's rude to say no

But then the festive feeling in me starts to grow

And I can feel some pressure building down below

I cannot say it more succinct as

I release my festive sphincter

I've shit my Christmas underwear

And I don't have another pair

So in the absence of a spare

I'll go commando this year

I drop a yule log like a

Big brown Santa down the trouser leg chimney

And the smell's enough to kill me

So I'll go commando this Christmas

An awful stink of cheese and sprouts and beer

My wife and kids recoiling in disgust and fear

This unexpected rectal burst of christmas cheer

Is rendered all the worse because my grandma's here

It's not too late, we still can get things back on track

A hasty shower to soap and cleanse my crack and sack

And just like Arnold Schwarzenegger"I'll be back"

To open gifts and pretend I didn't shit my pants

We gather round the piano, For a christmas chorus line

And as we hit the final bars of Mistletoe And Wine

I sense a rumbling deep within my large intestine

And my anus explodes as if it just stepped on a landmine

I've shit my Christmas underwear

And I don't have another pair

So in the absence of a spare

I'll go commando this year

I drop a yule log like a

Big brown Santa down the trouser leg chimney

And the smell's enough to kill me

As it drops down to the floor

And as it sits there on the ground

With all my family gathered round

A crowd spellbound at my astounding six pound mound of brown

We are a family together

They have given their forgiveness

We all admire my Yule Log

And isn't that the spirit of Christmas?