
Childhood ~I wanted to believe~ Lyrics
- Genre:Jazz
- Year of Release:2024
Lyrics
"You dont care about me"
Is what you told me
When i called to check on you
After hearing you were upset
You dont care about me
Is what i learnt
When you told me
It was my fault i was abused
No matter how hard i try
I'm always strung along
And like a broken puppet
I keep dancing to your song
I'm an idiot, a complete idiot
I knew the truth all along
But i wanted to believe
That you loved me, mum
"You're useless"
Is what you said
While hitting me
Because i misunderstood
I'm worthless
Is what i believed
When all i wanted
Was to make you happy
No matter how hard i try
I always mess up
Burried under a mountain of mistakes
I'm a failure
I'm an idiot, a complete idiot
I knew the truth all along
But i wanted to believe
That you loved me, dad
"I wish i had never given birth to you"
Is what you told me
While swinging a knife
At a 12 year old me
"I wish i was never born"
Is what i thought
While hiding in the closet
Quietly saying my goodbyes
No matter how hard i try
I can't reverse time
Can't erase my mistake
I'm stuck in existence
I'm an idiot, a complete idiot
I knew the truth all along
But i wanted to believe
That you loved me, mum
"Why do you hate me?"
Is what you asked
While smashing dinner plates
And throwing a knife at me
"Why won't you kill me already?"
Is what i wondered
While running to my room
Crying and locking the door
No matter how hard i try
My feelings are never received
Like a bubble they pop
Disappearing before they reach you
I'm an idiot, a complete idiot
I knew the truth all along
But i wanted to believe
That you loved me, dad
Growing up with death
Always around the corner
The one constant in my life
My everlasting friend
Living feels so... wrong...
"So this is the end..."
I told myself
When the waves pulled me under
And a silent calmness filled my heart
"It's all your fault"
You scolded me
After pulling me from the water
Where i nearly died
No matter how hard i try
Its just a lull in life's sea
The most peace I've ever felt
Was by death's door
I'm an idiot, a complete idiot
I knew the truth all along
But i wanted to believe
That I'd finally be free
I wanted to believe
That I'd finally be able to live in peace