The King Of The Divan Lyrics

Man I'm so fucking bored I could die

I'm the king of the divan and the lord of the flies

And the prince of the pets and the unwashed dishes

And the unlocked doors, and the sunblock kisses

Today I probably wouldn't be happy or bubbly

When it's just me and the good and the bad and the ugly

And thirty-seven dabs to a cigarette snout

One-eleven outside and the internet's out

Sinners cheek glistening with furs in his brow

And a bittersweet symphony of purrs and meows

Percussion ensemble of criss-cross saw blades

Sits in a robe and my flip flops all day

Smoke in the air, bats on the map

Coke and a chair, cats on the lap

I look down and the other fans four paws

All that I can say is ca plan pour moi

I'm so bored, I'm the king of the couch

Cheeto dust on my fingers and a sting in my mouth

I'm breaking bread with the fruit flies spun full of dope

With a pocket full of dreams and a lung full of smoke

Change once from a gore tex seal

To the short brown skirt to the four inch heels

To the button-up shirt and the third black skinny jeans

Looking like legolas' little whack mini-me

Check the internet for every toy in the world

Trying to remember if I was a boy or a girl

Surprisingly it's less straightforward than you may think

Areas once black and white now colored in with gray ink

With no way to erase the marks you made you must be fearless

And accept that any changes now will just add to your weirdness

So Mop floors, rummage through top drawers

Succumbing to lock jaw and munching on popcorn

And sipping from straws, dipping in lambs blood, quesadillas teaming

With dreams of revolutionaries guillotining

See a screening of some shit I've seen a hundred times

Now with bloody eyes, snotty attitude and sun-drenched mind

I'm so bored, I'm the king of the couch

Cheeto dust on my fingers and a sting in my mouth

I'm breaking bread with the fruit flies spun full of dope

With a pocket full of dreams and a lung full of smoke

I'm the master of making monoliths of trash on the couch

I'm the Duke of scratching ears and kissing cats on the mouth

I'm the baron of not sharing my jalapeño pretzels

The duchess of fucking up a drawing even with a stencil

The chairman of the chairs man, the CEO of chillin

I'm the bard of budweisers and burger and dog grillin

I'm the Pepperoni princess, burrito baroness

I'm the cardinal of sin and the clergy of clarinets

I'm the reverend of a pipe, shepherding a bag of open dope

The savior of silly motherfuckers and the pope of nope

The Saint of the slasher flicks and the angel of agitation

The undisputed heavyweight queen of procrastination

The admiral of having only two bucks man

I'm the grand wizard master of the you suck clan

I'm the king of the divan and the lord of the flies

And the prince of being so fucking bored I could die

I'm so bored, I'm the king of the couch

Cheeto dust on my fingers and a sting in my mouth

I'm breaking bread with the fruit flies spun full of dope

With a pocket full of dreams and a lung full of smoke