Noir Lyrics

Once upon a gloomy winters day

I think it was a Tuesday in some kind of little Cafe in LA

Was a man umbeknowingly moments before a spat

Had a trench coat draped on the chair and fedora hat

Reading papers in the middle of his morning coffee run

When a dude walked in the front with a Tommy gun

Now my man's fought the war and on instinct hit the deck

Just a half a second too late, a bullet clipped the neck

And another hit him square in the arm

Just before he whipped the toaster out and put two in the shooters heart

Double tap back of the head just to be safer

Dipped out the back to solve the mystery caper

Bust through the apartment door gun in his fist

Sending up a prayer to God there ain't no one in this bitch

Once the rooms seem clear time to grab some shit and bug out

First a trip to the kitchenette to dig the slug out

Rip the sleeve off, Heat a knife up on the stove and laughed

Looking like a ghetto motherfucker bout to smoke some hash

Bullet in his teeth, bite and cauterize the wound

Screamed so loud the sun had thought he sodomized the moon

Twenty seconds later there's a knock at the door

Scoop the strap back up, check the locks, hit the floor

Took a peek under the crack ready for some crazy dudes

When he saw the bottom of a pair of fancy ladies shoes

Straightened up his tie and he opened up the door

And he thought unto himself, now who's this uppity whore?

Told her thanks a lot tootse but I'm not that kind of guy

Then she said I know who you are Mr. Smith, private eye

A bit taken aback, forehead starts producing mildew

She said relax for now but my husband's trying to kill you

Temporarily he felt frozen in his spot thinking

That this bitch just waltzes in, all the sudden plot thickens

What's he want with me? I've never even seen you

She said we know thats not true and buddy's a mean dude

He thinks you took some pictures that maybe you shouldn't have

And if you knew the situation that maybe you wouldn't have

So maybe if they found their way to the garbage pile

Man I got a lot of money I can make it worth your while

Told her that's impossible ma'am because I sent them out

Just yesterday and the dude paid me a set amount

Then she cut him off said this situations unique

Where does this employer live? So he told her Martinique

Then she told him Mr Smith I won't be a martyr yet

So she grabbed him by the arm and hopped on a charter jet

Smith settled down to study an older case

But little did he know that buddy had stowed away

Over the pacific Smith had a realization

Studying the aforementioned pictures he had taken

Smiles so wide, there was something In the eyes

Something even more familiar than a husband and a wife

Just after the precipice of having epiphany

A sharp thudding pain flew through him and hit his knee

Something tossed him on the floor just in time for him to see

Buddy's elbow bash his face and break three of his teeth

"It didn't have to be this way elanor!

If you'd have kept your fucking mouth shut, you stupid fucking whore!

But no, you had to go work with this private detective

And by the way I think your guys' pilots defective"

It was just then buddy whipped out a .44

Blew the pilots head to mist then he turned it to elanor

But Mr Smith was quicker and whipped out a strap too

Turned the bastard buddy into Swiss cheese and macaroon

Elanor screaming and his knee is bleeding out

No one in the cockpit, plane careening down

Jumped up to the front now with urgency demanding

That he take controls then easily makes emergency landing

She jumping in his lap tryna kiss him in relievement

When he stopped her just short and told her look I know your secret

I'm surprised you ain't in politics with this kind of corruption

But I'm pretty sure that dude I killed is your brother AND your husband

Brushed the bitch aside looked and found the brothers wallet

After all he is a businessman, and an alcoholic

Took a couple grand and decides its time to dip fast

Sparking up a stogey and he sippin from his hip flask

Down the road, must've been a month later

He saw the cover-up pop up in a local paper

It said the lady offed herself after she caught the husband cheating

And the mistress was his mother and the whole lot were heathens

Mr Smith laughs he working on a new case now

A case of colt .45, in his dinner face down

Not a cop, not a pilot man that flies the skies

Not a rat fink just a simple private eye

Not a fairy godmother making dreams come true

Not a judge and jury, just a old drunk gum shoe