Vibrato (Unmixed, Unmastered & Unloved) Lyrics

Musical ideas dripping out of my head

Only problem is it happens when I'm in bed

She keeps on saying to me

What the hell you doing

I said, I'm real sorry babe

But I just ain't worth screwing

Don't worry about a thing baby It happens all the time

Yeah, but it happens so often to me I feel I've committed a crime

It's not natural for men of my age to always feel down

I turn around and she's gone

And the room starts spinning around

I see her walking around the town looking for something to eat

I said, Come in here honey and I'll give you a real treat

I take her to a sex shop in the middle of town

We walk in there with pride and we have her browse around

She says, Hey honey, How about these

I said, Are you crazy they look like they hang off Christmas trees

You want something to satisfy yourself on lonely nights in San Diego

As I reach for the shelf I pull out the vibrato

Took her back home, then went back to my pad

Sat on my bed with an expression so sad

Why is it that I can never rise to the occasion

Because when I was young I figured out Masturbation

She says, How about it honey

Want to try it again

Maybe tomorrow night

She's driving me insane

I can't cope with all the hurt and the confusion

Maybe my whole life is just an illusion

Maybe it is

What are you talking about bitch

Who asked you

The only thing you're useful for is

A screw

Who do you think you are

I don't know

Who needs you when I've got my vibrato

I'm here for you tonight to talk about vibrato

It's round and it's hard like overcooked baked potato

It's very intimidating the first time you use it

But when it does its magic

Your smile, You can't remove it

I'm sure it's good for its intended purpose

But it has side effects like your ruined cervix

It leaves your man feeling like a little loner

And before he knows it he can't even maintain a boner

It's time to put your little differences aside

And find a way to get your main man back inside

If you want an excuse to get down and fuck

just strip yourself naked and then kiss and make up

I'll always remember buying her Vibrato

I'm really sorry hon

I didn't mean to snap

That's OK sweetie

I think you're full of crap

Well you're not the best person to cope with yourself

You're like a rag doll that fell off the top shelf

Don't talk to me like that you know it turns me on

I look her up and down as she waggles her tongue

And then all of a sudden I get an erection

We jump into bed and now our life is perfection