Crazy Lyrics

“Hey babe, can we talk? I am not accusing you. I just want to know if it is in my head. I have been noticing that…”

“You have started again with this crazy behaviour. Can I have peace for one night?”

“Crazy” was the name he gave me,

every time we had an argument that caught him in the middle of his lies.

As if denying his actions would delete their discovery from my mind.

He would talk about how much I was destroying our love with my imaginary fears.

Our relationship went on a journey from persistent, to inconsistent to non-existent.

Endless conversations became an enveloping silence

My mouth became sour from my desperate attempts to stop it from speaking, stop it from asking, stop it from trying to find out what was dying between us

But no one that listened had the answers

speaking to him was like speaking to a mannequin

So, I stayed mute as the questions danced around in my head

like:

“Do you still love me?”

“Why don’t you call me anymore?”

“Why are our fights the only fireworks we have? You, erupting in a fire. Me, burning to ashes”

“Why am I the only one who needs to be fixed in this relationship?”

“Why do our conversations feel like a landmine these days? The explosion of my self-worth and the floating of your ego”

“Why do I begin conversations with you sure of myself and end them questioning myself?”

“Is there someone else?”

And it hit me.

Loud.

Shutting down any doubts.

“Why is crazy,

You calling me crazy,

You making me feel crazy

Your defense to me discovering the truth?”

I have learned from your actions

that the thing about people who

emotionally manipulate you is

they squeeze their way into your head

stretching the walls of reason

breaking the pillars of truth

and filling all of you with guilt.

They stab you,

but say you held their hands,

and led the spear right through you.

They shower you with verbal hate

but say that your body is a magnet for pain.

And you drink it all up.

Smiling as their venom spreads through you and destroys all the love you have left for yourself.

I am here to tell you, darling

that you…are. not. crazy.

don’t let them get into your head

you…are. not. crazy

Don’t let them shapeshift the truth into a lie

you…are. not. crazy.

Don’t let them take the power away from you by convincing you that you are.

You know what forget it. I am definitely crazy for settling for you.