A Mentally Deranged Northern Bastard Lyrics

A mentally deranged northern bastard

With a pint glass in his hand

Asked all of his friends to arrange a picnic

In the back of a Transit Van

Drinking down the Iron Horse in Newton Aycliffe

Someone got in his way

So he threw them to the pavement from a fifth floor window

And said "It's time for judgement day"

A mentally deranged northern bastard

With a pint glass in his hand

Driving on the motorway from Bishop Auckland

Cruising at ninety-five

Running from the coppers in a stolen Bentley

He said "I'm lucky I got out alive"

A mentally deranged northern bastard

With a pint glass in his hand

He played a game of cricket at the Moore Lane Sports Club

And what a mess he made

When he bowled a brand new ball towards the competition

'Cause he switched it for a hand grenade

A mentally deranged northern bastard

With a pint glass in his hand

Asked all of his friends to arrange a picnic

In the back of a Transit Van