
Not Your Fault Lyrics
- Genre:Hip Hop & Rap
- Year of Release:2023
Lyrics
I never thought there'd come a day that I would write this
I mean, how the f**k do you describe it
My uncle hung himself and my cousin had to find him
The neighbour cut him down whilst my cousin's f**king crying
He's screaming, Jodie hurry up, come to mine
Quick my dad's hung himself, I don't think he'll survive this
She's beating on his chest trying to revive him
There's tears in her eyes but she has to hide them
Jaden's blaming himself, blaming his girl
Blaming his brother, blaming his mother, blaming the world
Jodie rings my mother saying Tracy David's dying
My mother rushes up still praying he's alive then
As she gets there, Jaden's crying in the street
Police are trying to stop him but he's blinded by his grief
And while Jaden screams, his brother shows up
The shock, horror of it all, has silence his speech
And he says, I FaceTimed him before
And before he knew it, he curled up on the floor
My mum embraced him as the tears begin to pour
He screams out, Dad, I could have done more
Shania's hair's wet, the baby's getting cold
Jodie's full of sweat, trying to save David's soul
My mother steps up and takes the baby's home
And promises them both she can change the baby's clothes
And all the while, Kelly's yet to find out
She's gone to town to enjoy her night out
My cousin Ben had to go and drive down
Cos her phone's switched off, oh Kelly, why now
As he pulls up, the truth speaks through his eyes
I'm sorry, Kelly, David has committed suicide
She tried to hold her tears as he seeped through her eyes
My cousin holds her up as she screams to the sky
And she says, oh, it's all my fault
Oh, it's all my fault
Oh, it's all my fault
Oh, it's all my fault
The paramedics take his body to the hospice
They all follow, disbelieving that they've lost him
Jaden's in denial believing they can stop this
All the while, Morgan knows they can't stop this
They place his body up on ICU
Fed him with adrenaline through an IV tube
Trying to get his brain to work, but the nurse has confirmed
That the worst outcome is more than likely true
Jaden cries out, there's no way, that's my dad
And don't tell me there ain't no way back from that
The pain in his voice echoes through the whole ward
Kelly's so saddened by the shock of it all
She can't speak, but the eyes never lie
Jodie, like a daughter, hasn't left her side
They're in the waiting room, only three at a time
Can see David's body while the rest were outside
So three go in, and three go out
Saying the same old thing, with the same old doubts
That's not my dad, that's not my man, that's not my lad
Please, dad, come back and wake up
But David's hypoxic, there's no life in his eyes
Nothing, there's no sign he's alive
Nothing, there's no sign he'll survive
Nothing
I was at home when I got the phone call
And I knew when I heard the sound of my mother's voice
It was bad news, I knew that what she would say
Would stick with me for life like a tattoo
Son, I have some bad news
It breaks my heart that I have to tell you
That Uncle David has hung himself
And your cousin Jaden found him hanging in the f**king shed
Well, I couldn't fathom what I heard
I put the phone down and didn't say a word
Just stared at the floor, I couldn't even cry
He promised he would be there at my f**king next fight
I collapsed on the floor and looked up to the ceiling
The same way David did before he gave in to his demons
Except it's still alive, wishing I was f**king dreaming
I was thinking, God, why on earth am I f**king breathing
Cause, cause it's all my fault
Cause it's all my fault
Cause it's all my fault
Cause it's all my fault
When I got home, my mum was drinking again
I could tell she only had a drink to suppress all the things in her head
She looked so sad, there were tears in my eyes that I had to hold back
So I went to bed but didn't sleep much
The next day we didn't eat much
We arrived at the hospital trying to keep tough
But as soon as I saw Jaden, I just welled up
I kissed him on the head and said that I love you
It broke my heart not knowing what I could do
And all I could do was make them chicken wraps with their favorite sauce
Trying to put them in a good mood
And even though David's in a better place
I'd never seen true sadness till I saw Kelly's face
She couldn't even talk, Jodie was in a state
Please can you help her, I don't know what to say
And she broke down, in my arms I consoled her
And told her, soon this will all be over
And as she weep quietly on my shoulder
I said to her, Jodie, you have been a soldier
And as she cried, Morgan stormed out the ward
Face full of tears and struggling to talk
I found them outside both crying, both trying
To at least make sense of it all
Morgan held Jaden tight in his arms
Holding back his tears, trying to stay calm
They look like lost children
I swear that I'll take that pain to my grave
Till the day that my heart stops beating
There won't be a day that goes by where I will not be grieving
David, how could you leave them
And before I could feel any anger
It was my turn to see him
I walked in and I knew that it was bad
Started thinking about the last chats that we had
And the fact that those lads now don't have a dad
And Kelly has to live the rest of her life with that
Oh, there were marks on his neck
Eyes both black and scars on his head
I guess when you cut someone down
And the body hits the ground
The impact surely has an effect
Oh, f**k, I placed my hand on his head
Told him I was sorry that I didn't read his text
And didn't read the signs in the words that he said
That led to him dying on this hospital bed
David, I'm so sorry that you're dead
This day will haunt me till the day we meet again
April the 9th, I will never forget you
A love by so many, now so many regrets
So I sing to you
And I hope you find a way through the darkness
And I hope you're not alone going through this
And I hope you find your mother and your father
As they guide you to your home
These next lines are a promise to you
I promise from now on I'll be honest and true
I promise that your sons will carry on without you
And both your grandkids will feel like they're nothing to you
I promise that I'll tell them about the man that you was
How you'd always be dancing like you're the happiest one
I wish you could've told me about the sh*t on your mind
I'd rather hear you cry than to hear that you've died
And Kelly, I make a promise to you
I'll always be here when the days ain't clear
When David's voice is all you wanted to hear
And offer you a napkin when you're flooded with tears
I know you feel guilty and I know it's a lot
I know losing David is a terrible loss
Just know I love you Kelly and that is the truth
And if I ever make it, I did it for you