can't exist (poem) Lyrics

When I came into your life

There was light

The Friday night kind

The glow of the fire kind

The unsteady, best foot forward

Smiles all around kind

It was right

It felt right

Until it didn't

Until there was commitment

The thing that is supposed to be bright

Supposed to bring prodigious light

To all involved

Was dampered by falsified joy

I celebrated extravagantly

But empathetically

I could see the light leave your eyes

Could feel contempt towards my light

That was where the sword was drawn

That was where the unraveling had begun

Years passed

Clouds covering the sun

Turned into perpetual night

And I was numb

Then one fateful afternoon

The sun peaked out

The glow of the morning

Brought a sense of hope, of freedom

But just as the sun arose

It tumbled back down

Along with the hope of ever being seen

In the true light of day

And back I went

Into the hazy version of myself

The one whose words were stifled

And whose smile never reached the eyes

You've claimed you wanted me

All of me, every part

But when I crack the door

It's slammed in my face with fervor

I can't exist, not like this

I can't exist when all you expect me to be

Is full of shit

I give you none of me

Cause you don't want it

Through cute words made to tame

I believed you

Your desire to know deeply

And relate greatly

But when I've tried

You don't want it

You

Don't

Want

It

So where does that leave us

I can't exist in the night

So I'll follow the sun

My light

I'll follow him away from your night

Away from your spite

I'll be happy

I'll have my prodigious light

And maybe sometimes

I'll dip my toe into the night

Bring you a book locked with a plastered smile

Give you a hug

And allow you to hang on

But then I'll be gone

Back where I'm from

Back from where you wish I had never come

And with my sun, I'll be happy