The Poet Lyrics

Crowd, cheering

Announcer, "And now, your host, Johnny Horowitz!"

Jack, "HERE'S JOHNNY!"

Johnny, "Thank you, thank you! I would like to say thank you to our studio audience, and to those of you watching at home on TV, good afternoon. This segment of the show is brought to you by, DC Comics, your San Francisco Giants, and the Commodore 64."

Commando music cues up, crowd cheers

Johnny, "My name is Johnny Horowitz, thank you for tuning in. We're going to have a fantastic show for you today, but before we get started, we're going to introduce you to my assistants, the behind-the-scenes guys who make the show tick. Raymond, RAYMOND!!"

Edgar, "Ray, Ray, Ray, Ray, Ray!"

Johnny, "OK, so this is Raymond Gipper, he's the tech-guy - busy with all of that stuff."

Crowd, reacts

Johnny, "And, can we…can we cut over to camera, camera two, yeah - there we go! That's our head producer, Edgar Guy, ladies and gentleman."

Crowd, cheering

Johnny, "Good job, Edgar! OK, thank you, everybody. For those of you who might be joining in for the first time, this is a variety and talk show, which is filmed, entirely on location, in beautiful San Francisco. We are a variety show, with a…twist. Say hello to the buzzer!"

Zap sound

Crowd, reaction

Johnny, "We sit our guests in the buzzer chair, and, depending on how poorly they perform, or how badly they handle themselves, well, they get zapped. And, with that being said, let's get to our first guest, shall we??"

Crowd, light cheering

Johnny, "OK, and our first guest is a young man from the San Francisco Bay Area, born and raised here, says he went to school at John O'Connell High, and is a modern day poet savant, it says here. Would you please give a nice, warm welcome to Orville Valencia!"

Crowd, cheering

Johnny, "OK, well, say hello, Orv…say hello, go ahead….Ray, can we get his mic turned on? Ray? RAYMOND!!"

Edgar, "Ray, Ray, Ray, Ray, Ray!"

Orville, "H-hello?"

Johnny, "OK, there we go. Good afternoon, Orville, how're you doing?"

Orville, "I'm OK, sir."

Johnny, "Good, good! Umm, yeah, so umm - it says here, you're an idiot sav…sorry, SORRY - poet savant, is that right?"

Orville, "Yes, yes, that's right."

Johnny, "So, what is that, like, a poet sage or something?"

Orville, "It's special!"

Johnny, "It's special! Is that what you said?"

Orville, "Um, yes."

Johnny, "So, are you going to read us some of your poetry, is that it?"

Orville, "It's going to be marvelous!"

Johnny, "Oh, wow! Oh, boy, umm, OK, Orville, why don't we get you seated in our zapp - I mean, our special guest chair, shall we? OK, Orville, what is the title of your poem?"

Orville, "It's called fleas! Fleas: I think that I shall never see a poem as lovely as a flea! A flea that chews and bites my skin…"

Johnny, "Uh uh. No, no, no."

Orville, "…I think that I shall never win."

Crowd, boos

Orville, "Uh, oh, I better scratch and quick…"

Johnny, "Me, too! Time for the buzzer already!"

Orville, "…otherwise, it'll bite my -"

Zap sound

Crowd, cheers

Johnny, "Whoa! That was - not wonderful. OK, we're gonna clear out some of this smoke from…get all this…cleared up, and, we'll be back!"

Crowd, cheers

Johnny, "Take it away, Gipper!"